What Can You Buy For $115,500,000? The All-Terrible Contract MLB Team for 2013

Hello. Colin here. Sitting around the coffee shop on this slow Memorial Day morning, my thoughts turned to baseball in general and more specifically: Why does any team ever sign a pitcher to a long term deal? 

Check out this starting five: for 2013:


Johan Santana  $25,500,000

Cliff Lee            $25,000,000

C.C. Sabathia     $23,000,000

Tim Lincecum   $22,000,000

Roy Halladay    $20,000,000

So what do you get for your $115,500,000 buy you in 2013 dollars?

A combined record of 14 wins and 14 losses. Yikes!  

Conversely, if you spend wisely, say a paltry $ 3,010,750 you could get 34 wins vs 3 losses.

Matt Harvey   $498,750        5-0

Matt Moore    $1,000,000     8-0

Patrick Corbin $494,000       8-0

Lance Lynn     $513,000        7-1

Mike Minor      $505,000      6-2              =    34 - 3


Ok, that's all from the coffee shop, customers starting to roll in.Happy Memorial Day! Watch some baseball and drink some beer why don't you?   Turning it over to Brian Phillips from here...

 The 2013 All Terrible Contract Team  by Brian Phillips

With the Cubs signing Anthony Rizzo to a long term deal recently we are reminded of baseball's new paradigm: Lock those key kids up long term. They aren't all going to work out, but over the long haul it saves money over giving former superstars who may or may not be as old as they say they are ten year deals.  

Catcher: Joe Maurer

$23 million a year ending in 2018 for a guy playing a high attrition position. I know he's a home town hero and he can hit, but there's no way he returns on that kind of dough. The contract keeps the small market Twins from addressing a host of other needs.... most notably pitchers who can reach at least 90 on the gun. 

First Base: Albert Pujols 

I'll give Pujols credit for trying to slog through with a nasty case of Plantar Fascitis. This isn't about his toughness. It's about how much money and how long this deal runs. He'll be somewhere between 43 and 60 when it's over. The Angels are a dumb organization and will languish under the weight of this and the Hamilton deals for years to come. 

Second Base: Robbie Cano 

Let me clarify.... This pertains to the contract the Yankees are going to give Cano. Make no mistake, Cano is a great player. That said though he's hired Jay Z's new firm to represent him, and the rapper will be looking to make a splash. Just watch... Cano will get 10 years from the Yanks because otherwise the Angels will give it to him.

Third Base: Alex Rodriguez

I don't really have to explain this one do I? Instead I bring you this from The Onion Sports Network.  

Outfield:  Josh Hamilton

See "Swingers" story for more on Hamilton's free swinging ways. 

Outfield: Jason Werth. 

He looks like the Unibomber these days, probably hoping not to be recognized while out at Kroger. He need not worry. They don't care about bloated contracts in D.C. 

Outfield: Alfonso Soriano

Still another year to go after this one before the Cubs are finally rid of a deal they seemingly made during the Dot Com Era.  

Starting Pitcher: John Lackey

The Red Sox are paying this creep $16.5 mil a year through 2014. There is a 2015 club option though. Sure there is Lackey.

Relief Pitcher: Brandon League

The Dodgers gave this guy a three year/22 million dollar deal in the off season. He won't be the closer by July 1 the way things are going.  

At Home Feet Up: Chone Figgins 

 The Mariners are still paying on Figgins' four year deal. At last word he was released by the Marlins on March 28th. Miami owner Jeffrey Loria replaced him with a LeRoy Neiman painting of Brooks Robinson. 


Brian Phillips and Colin Gawel do all sorts of things and write for Pencilstorm. You can learn more by clicking here for our contributors page.