I was gonna write a complete minute-by-minute report/review/dissection of the 2016 Grammy Awards show, but then I remembered that I stopped drinking in 1982 and stopped smoking pot in 2000 when I got my first cardiac pacemaker, and realized that I had no proper means to numb/anesthetize myself for the likes of 3 & 1/2 hours of Lady Gaga, Kendrick Lamar & Bruno Mars, so I decided to just flip over during commercials on MeTV to catch the debut of The Hollywood Vampires, the new "rock" concoction put together by Alice Cooper, Joe Perry and 21 Jump Street star Johnny Depp.

And what a debut it was!  I'm puzzled as to how Alice 'n' Joe - two men who wrote some of the finest hard rock songs of the 1970's ("Elected," "School's Out," "Generation Landslide," "Walk This Way," "Sweet Emotion") - chose the leaden dud of a "song" they performed as their nationwide prime-time TV debut (on the Grammys, no less).  The "tune" contained not one ounce of melody, no hooks, lame riff and a spoken-word interlude by Depp of which not one syllable could be discerned or understood.  Talk about not hearing a single.

Then, to make matters worse, Da Boyz essayed a really powerful, kinda great cover/tribute to Lemmy Kilmister of the all-powerful Motorhead rocker "Ace Of Spades" that made it PAINFULLY obvious how lame a song The Vampires had preceded it with.  (Sidenote: Part of the appeal of "Ace Of Spades" was a great vocal from Duff McKagan from the original Guns N' Roses.)  (Further sidenote: Serious question to faithful Pencilstorm reader Jim Johnson, one of Columbus Ohio's GREAT drummers - Is there a worse hard rock/metal drummer on the planet than Matt Sorum?  That guy seems to think he's John Bonham, but he drags every band I see him play with down into the tar-pit-morass/zero-concept-of-swing-or-excitement-sludge-pit he seems to love wallowing in.  No wonder Guns N' Roses sucked after Steven Adler got sacked.)

The only other musical performance of the night that I saw was The Alabama Shakes, who seemed kinda uncomfortable with their transformation from fake Stax/Volt thrift-store-dresses rags-'n'-tatters-indie-rocker chic to Broadway Darlings, complete with gowns, suits, backing singers & a full-time percussionist.  Or maybe that's how Brittany Howard & the guys roll now.  Beverly Hillbillies, anyone?

Oh, and I did catch Taylor Swift pulling open her dress on her way up the steps to accept her Album Of The Year award, the better to show off her purple panties underneath.  Now that's entertainment.  - Ricki C. / February 16th, 2016