I have a question: Taking all things into context, which solo band clip is worse: Mick Jagger or Jon Bon Jovi?

Being the owner of a coffee shop may not provide a retirement fund or vanity plates that read Mr. Beans, but it does provide countless hours to re-read rock n roll biographies and write things for Pencil Storm. Let’s call it a draw. Recently, I was thumbing through the excellent Keith Richards - Life (again) and flipped to the period in the 80’s where Mick was going solo, trying to be (ahem) “as big as Michael Jackson.” Needless to say, the other Stones were not thrilled, but what especially pissed off Keith was Mick touring solo and doing a set of almost ENTIRELY STONES SONGS. (Click here for those stats)

I guess it never really hit me the first 10 times I read this book what a huge dick move this was.  Come on Mick, either have the balls to go solo or leave the Stones legacy out of your ego trip. He even had the guitar players dressed up like “rockers.” Who dresses guys up like Keef and Woody when he can play with the real thing?  Oh wait, light bulb flickering…...flickering…...I bet I can find this footage on YouTube. (Note: Woody was played by Joe Satriani who they had dressed up like Miami Steve Van Zandt for some reason)

Oof. That fake choreography with fake Keith in Brown Sugar made me throw up in my mouth a little bit (2:12) Oh, and the sax solo is played on a keyboard. (I could almost get on board with a keytar) What a travesty. As a Stones fan it’s pretty jarring to see what Mick Jagger considers a “rock show” when left to his own devices. Let’s thank our lucky stars his solo career fizzled and he eventually got back around to being the front man of the world’s greatest rock n roll band.

One band that will never be labeled the world’s greatest rock n roll band is Bon Jovi. Following in Mick’s footsteps, Jon Bon Jovi too put his own solo band together to bank some easy cash in exchange for whatever pride anyone felt about being a Bon Jovi fan.
As gruesome as those Mick Jagger clips were, not surprisingly, the Jon B solo clips are that much worse. The introduction from some CEO is straight out of a Mr. Show episode before the band launches into… Sgt. Peppers???? Then it’s time for Jon to hit the stage….. His complete lack of musical talent is stunning. And he cannot dance. At all. In fairness, at least he had the good taste to mostly avoid crappy Bon Jovi songs and just play wedding band covers. Though interestingly, in the clip below, his voice sounds worst on his own songs. Like really bad. (8:18) Folks, I’m not going to sugar coat this. The following video is patently offensive to anyone who has ever loved rock n roll. Proceed at your own risk.

Achtung!! NON-ROCKING COMMENCING IN 3-2-1 ………

Colin Gawel owns Colin’s Coffee and plays in the band Watershed and The League Bowlers. Just google Colin Gawel to learn more.