Folks, we have been beating around the bush long enough. My therapist told me it’s time to address the elephant in the room. It’s something I have avoided for five long years. In fact, it’s the reason I started rock n roll mental health therapy in the first place. Yes, I’m talking about Steven Tyler’s debut solo record We’re All Somebody From Somewhere.

Truth be told I was planning on writing about Paul Stanley’s new solo project but that will have to wait for another day so I can finally get this off my mind. 

Until 2016 Steven Tyler had never released a solo record. Sure, one could make the argument that most Aerosmith records were mostly Steven records and the excellent Rock In A Hard Place was definitely a solo effort despite Tyler being blacked-out for the majority of the recording. 

That is just a testament to the musical talent this guy possesses. Forget American Idol, Pink, and all that fluff; Steven Tyler is a savant and one bad mofo. 

Or he used to be. It brings me no joy to discuss this horror-show of bad music and even worse intentions. And I’m not a hater. I’m all for artists trying new things and taking chances. For the right reasons. This ain’t it.  We’re All Somebody From Somewhere (or WASFS from now on) is a shameless attempt by one-half of The Toxic Twins (Tyler and Aerosmith lead guitarist Joe Perry, for the uninitiated) to rebrand himself as the twangy Twin. And for what? A little bit of money? A little more fame? I think the time Steven spent as a panelist on American Idol got him addicted to fame. Healthier than a drug addiction but maybe not healthy for the musical legacy of Steven Tyler and - more importantly - his band Aerosmith. As my friend and author Thomas O’Keefe says, “WASFS is so bad it almost negates how great Aerosmith’s Rocks is. Almost.” 

If you can suffer though the documentary Steven Tyler - Out on a Limb the words that are used by everyone involved in the project are “authentic” and “organic.” Like politicians trying to spin the same message we are constantly reminded how authentic and organic this album is. Okay, I’ll take them at their word. Let’s dig a little deeper into WASFS.

The album was produced by Steven Tyler and T-Bone Burnett.

If we stopped right there, I have no doubt this would have been an actual attempt at actual music. T-Bone Burnett is a master producer and wouldn’t let a dud like this soil his good name. In fact, the first track on the record is produced by him and it is kinda cool. 

Where were we? Oh yes, WASFS was produced by:

Steven Tyler and T-Bone Burnett

And Jarren Johnston

And Jared Gutstadt

And Jeff Peters

And Poo Bear

And Luke Silas

And Dann Huff

And Marti Frederiksen.

Yes, this record has NINE producers, including one who uses the stage name Poo Bear. I’m pretty sure that’s more producers than members of Carter Family + Johnny Cash combined. Or put another way, this is about as authentic and organic as Milli Vanilli eating a bag of Cheetos while scrolling through Tik-Tok.

Ok, maybe it was a Chinese Democracy situation where Steven was having trouble finding the right producer to capture the organic and authentic vibe he was looking to lay down. It’s all about the tunes anyway. What about the tunes?

The songs on this record were written by:

Steven Tyler  

And… Brad Warren, Brett Warren, Jaren Johnston, Jason Boyd, Jared Gustudt, Jeff Peters, Cory Barlowe, Nathan Barlowe, Hillary Lindsey, Lindsey Lee, Eric Paslay, Alyssa Bonajura, Ross Copperman, David Hodges, Brett James, Troy Verges, Rhett Akins, Chris DeStefano, Levi Hummon, Jon Vella, Bert Jones, Jerry Ragovoy, Tom Hamilton. 

That must have been one hell of a songwriter circle at the Bluebird Cafe. But you know what they say, “If you need a hit, call Ross Copperman.” In related news, how did Desmond Child and Dianne Warren miss out on this cash bonanza? Could it have been below even THEIR (questionable) standards?

So what did all these producers and songwriters come up with? Drum roll please….

No matter how you feel about this song, I think reasonable people agree that somebody from somewhere should have nixed the lyric, “We spinning on a roller coaster, free-falling into your yum-yum.” Yes, that’s a real lyric. And Steven sang it. 

So the record is finished and it’s time to take this show on the road. Maybe it’s a live thing? I wish I could answer yes. Backed by the Loving Mary Band (horrible name, I would have preferred The Yum-Yum Band) Steven opens his big solo show at the legendary country venue the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville with…. “Sweet Emotion.” And then six of the first eight songs are Aerosmith tunes. Including THREE covers made famous by the boys from Boston: “I’m Down” and “Come Together” by The Beatles and “Rattlesnake Shake” by Fleetwood Mac. 

Help me out here. This is supposed to be a serious side project showing Steven’s previously unknown deep love and appreciation for country music and he doesn’t bother to learn one new cover. He has the entire canon of country music at his disposal and an army of Nashville musicians and yet ends up playing “Rattlesnake Shake” for the 40th consecutive year. He ends the set with “Dream On” and “Walk This Way.”  Off the top of my head could I suggest some Hank Sr.? Or Dolly or Loretta? Anything. Just pretend you actually enjoy country music so the whole show doesn’t come across as fake as the record you just released. 

This set-list screams lazy and entitled. Steven has never liked KISS. He thinks they are shameless and pretentious. That they don’t put the music first. I cannot argue with all of that, but I will say Crazy Nights comes across like Exile on Main Street compared to We’re All Somebody From Somewhere. Paul Stanley recently released a soul record. Laugh if you want, but it feels like an honest attempt to do something different and fun. If Steven ever attempts another solo album, let’s hope he takes a page from the Starchild’s book and records music he truly loves. I would be very interested to hear that record. Or put another way; Steven, once you have made it, there is no reason to fake it.

Below is the full Out on a Limb Concert. Achtung! It may make you barf.  

Hidden Bonus Track! The Joe Perry Project featuring Cowboy Mach Bell. This too is vomit-inducing but in a fun way.

Bonus again! This is morphing into a TV Party Tonight! I may have been a little rough on Steven, but that’s only because I am a huge fan. In high school I never went on a date or kissed a single girl. I just listened to Aerosmith records. In fact Watershed would play entire sets of just Aerosmith tunes. This was all before Permanent Vacation and the big comeback.

I spent the night in my Pinto in front of Buzzard’s Nest Records to get tickets to this tour. Actually, it might have been the Done With Mirrors tour but I saw this tour, too. (editor’s note; Did any of us ever have a single doubt that there was a Ford Pinto SOMEWHERE in Colin Gawel’s past?)