What's with All These Chairs? - by Andra Gillum

Author’s Note:  I have lived in Upper Arlington (UA), Ohio for over 20 years.  It’s a wonderful suburban neighborhood just outside Columbus. Like many old communities, it is steeped in tradition.

To those of us who have lived in Upper Arlington for more than a few years, the sudden appearance of lawn chairs along Northwest Boulevard in mid-to-late June doesn’t surprise us a bit.  We don’t even look twice.  Of course, these chairs have been placed along the parade route well in advance of the 4th of July parade.  There’s caution tape, roped off areas, benches, chairs, even a few couches.  No big deal.

But for those who are new to UA, and don’t yet understand the enormity of this July 4th tradition, I wonder what goes through their heads.  Do they think that the Pope is coming?  Or maybe the President?  I wonder if they would cause such a stir?

Every year, the chairs appear earlier and earlier.  People used to set out their chairs a day or two before the parade.  Then someone dared secure their spot on June 30th, and the whole game changed.  Mid-June now seems to be fair game.  It reminds me of Christmas displays in stores.  They used to go up before Thanksgiving, then it was right before Halloween.  Now, they’re looking at a Labor Day start to the holiday season.

But who has the right to secure a spot?  Is it the property owner?  Do they get entire section in front of their house?  Can they give permission to friends to use their space?  Maybe it’s an open seating platform. Anyone can use their property as long as they’re first to rope it off.  

People who live in Florida and California pay a high premium for beachfront property.  Here in UA, we pay a premium for parade front property. Realtors tout that as a huge selling feature, along with granite counter tops and hardwood floors.

So, if people are paying top dollar for this red-hot real estate, shouldn’t they have first dibs for parade seating?  At the least, they shouldn’t have other people leaving stuff in their yard for several weeks without paying a storage fee.  What happens when they need to mow the lawn? Kind of a pain to move everything.  Are they obligated to put everything back exactly as they found it?  That’s a lot of pressure.

What about the area in front of banks and other businesses?  Is this their space to reserve for customers or is it fair game?  Is there some “Open a new CD and get 4 seats along the parade route” promotion that I don’t know about?  If you prefer McDonalds, can you sit in front of Wendy’s?

I really don’t know the answer to any these questions, but I fear they have led to some major arguments.  I know the UA police ask that residents wait until as close to the 4th as possible to set out their chairs, but we are obviously ignoring that advice.  I guess they’re given up.

They just hope that people remain civil and dignified with each other.  We are celebrating a wonderful holiday and a great country, so let’s try to embrace the spirit.

Personally, we’ve never set out chairs before the parade.  We usually just head for the end of the parade route and get as close as possible or try to score an invitation to celebrate at one of the luxurious parade-front homes.  These elaborate parties are another story, so we’ll save that for the next blog.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love the UA 4th of July parade and celebration.  What a wonderful and fun family tradition.  And I really have no opinion on what the proper pre-parade chair etiquette is.

I was just thinking to myself how utterly outrageous this all must seem to anyone new to UA.  They have a few rules to learn about Columbus and Upper Arlington, but I’m sure they’ll figure it all out quickly.  

Next month, they’ll face Buckeye Football mania, which you truly must see to believe.  A few months after that, they’ll try to register their kids to visit Santa at Christmas in the Park, only to learn that they should have set their alarm for 5:00 a.m.  

We could publish a handbook, but it’s more fun to watch them figure it out themselves.  That’s the way it’s always been, and who are we to break tradition?

Happy Independence Day everyone!  Enjoy the parade from wherever you sit.

Andra Gillum is a free-lance writer from Upper Arlington, Ohio, and the author of Doggy Drama, Puppy Drama and Old Doggy Drama.  Learn more at www.doggydrama.com.   Send your comments and feedback to andra@doggydrama.com.  

Elf Anxiety - by Andra Gillum

Elf Anxiety by Andra Gillum.

Every year just after Thanksgiving, I look forward to unpacking all our Christmas decorations.  I pull out the boxes, and the kids and I put everything in its proper place.  I must admit, however that there is one holiday decoration I wish I could leave in the bottom of the box.

The Elf on the Shelf triggers my anxiety.  I hate to admit it, but this little guy really knows how to push my buttons.

As I said, I love almost everything about Christmas.  From the decorations to the lights to the music and traditions, I l really do love it all.   It’s just that darned Elf!

It’s not that I dislike elves in general.  The movie Elf is a classic.  I love that Buddy the Elf and his Pop-tart pasta with syrup.  And how could you not root for the little misfits: Herbie the dentist and his friend Rudolph?

It’s just the Elf on the Shelf who makes me twitchy.  The holiday season is busy enough, and the stress he adds just pushes me over the top.

Every night, I’m expected to come up with some clever thing to do with the Elf, or some funny place to put him.  There are photos and ideas all over the web about it.

Somehow, I’ve gotten on an email list that sends me ideas an inspiration for my elf.  When they suggested that I soak the elf’s feet in a bath of marshmallows and call it a spa day, I decided that I’d rather leave the elf on his shelf and have my own spa day.

My kids show me You Tube videos of all the clever things that other elves do.  Someone’s naughty elf actually wrapped their entire Christmas tree in holiday paper.  I’m lucky to get all the gifts wrapped.  Never mind ribbons and bows.

Then there’s the Elf Shaming.  My daughter comes home from school with stories of all the silly and clever things that her friends’ elves did.  She tells me how bad she feels that she has nothing to share. Mom guilt.

Plus, the pressure goes on all month long!  That means 24 nights of anxiety.  24 days of trying to think of something new and different.  

There have been nights when I have finally climbed into my warm bed after an evening of wrapping gifts.  I’m half asleep when I am jolted awake by the realizations that I have forgotten to do anything with the elf.

I’m certain that I am not the only one with elf-anxiety.  A friend posted a funny picture on You Tube of an elf wearing a full leg cast.  He left a note for the children saying that he wouldn’t be able to move from the shelf for 2-3 weeks.  That’s one smart mom.  

I hate to come across as a Grinch because I really do love Christmas, and all the fun traditions for our kids.  Maybe we can just shorten the elf’s visit from the North Pole?  How about a nice, 3-day weekend?  Who’s with me?

I mean no offense to any Elf lovers out there.  I applaud your enthusiasm and perseverance.  We’ll just have to agree to disagree.

So, whether you love the Elf…or count down the days to his departure, I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!  

Andra Gillum is a Pencil Storm contributor and the author of the children’s books “Doggy Drama” and “Puppy Drama” and “Old Doggy Drama”.  Learn more or order online at www.doggydrama.com.  Like us on Facebook at: www.facebook.com/doggydrama.   

If you work for a school, or know of one who would be interested in an author visit, please contact Andra at andrag@wowway.com.  Follow Andra on Twitter @GillumAndra

Kids Say Some Crazy Things! - by Andra Gillum

My favorite part about being a children’s author is reading and sharing my stories with kids.  I am often invited to schools as a “visiting author”.  My audience can range from preschoolers to middle schoolers.

Each group is unique.  I love to watch their reactions, hear their laughter, listen to their connections and field their questions which are always genuine, often very insightful, and occasionally very funny.

I started writing down some of my favorite remarks.  

First of all, kids always ask me how old I am.  I always try to deflect the question, but they typically won’t take no for an answer.  A few boys have said they expected me to be older, so I guess that’s a good thing.

One day I was telling a class that it took me well over a year to write my book.  A boy exclaimed:  “Your hand must have been really tired!”  I started to explain that I wasn’t actually writing for that entire time, but then I just let it go.

One little girl wrote me a thank you note after my visit and asked if I was a teenager.  That letter has been framed and hung it on my wall.

During a classroom presentation, a preschooler raised his hand.  “Is your book available on Amazon?” he inquired.

“Yes,” I laughed.  “How do you know about Amazon?”  

“My Dad says that Mom has an addiction.”  

While reading to a kindergarten class, I asked the kids who has a dog.  Most of them raised their hands.  One little boy blurted out “My dog died.”  

“I’m so sorry,”  I responed.  “Was your dog sick?”  

“No.” he replied.  “He was hit by a comet.”

“That happens sometimes,”  I told him.

Kids like to blurt out random things. “Do you like Luke Bryant?” one boy asked.

“Today is my birthday!” a little girl once proclaimed.

“That’s why I’m here”, I assured her.

I was asking one group about the difference between an author and an illustrator, when an impatient boy blurted out: “Did you draw the pictures?”

“No.” I responded.  “I wish I could have, but that isn’t my talent.”

He replied: “You could have just taken an art class.”  Why didn’t I think of that?

One day I was visiting a school to celebrate the birthday of Dr. Suess.  A boy asked me if I am friends with Dr. Suess.  “No,” I replied.  “Dr. Suess has been dead over 25 years.”  

He still thought we should be friends.

When I was explaining part of one book where the older sister is rather bossy, one 5 year old raised his hand.  He admitted:  “I’m pretty bossy.”  

I told him it’s good to be self-aware.

My Dad talks about a TV show he used to watch called “Kids Say the Darndest Things”.  

I love how they freely speak whatever comes to their mind.  They never consider whether it might sound strange, or be embarrassing.

It seems to be around age 11 or 12 when we become more self-conscious of what we say.

I suppose it’s good to filter our words to some extent, but I do love listening to little ones as their  thoughts flood out of their mouth like an open tap.

I wouldn’t want it any other way!  

Andra Gillum is a free-lance writer and the author of the children’s books “Doggy Drama” and “Puppy Drama” and “Old Doggy Drama” (coming soon).  Learn more at www.doggydrama.com.  Like us on Facebook at: www.facebook.com/doggydrama.   

If you work for a school, or know of one who would be interested in an author visit, please contact Andra at andrag@wowway.com.  Follow Andra on Twitter @GillumAndra

Giving Us the Roundabout - by Andra Gillum

I grew up in Dublin, so I’m always amazed by the city’s growth.  In my day, there was literally only one elementary school, one middle school and one high school.  Now there are dozens. Consequently, the traffic has gotten much worse.

The City of Dublin seems to have decided that roundabouts are their best solution.  They started by building smaller ones all over town.  I guess they were easing us into it.  Then came the monster.  Last fall, they installed a huge roundabout at the intersection of Rt. 161 and Riverside Drive.  I have maneuvered that monster several times.

I almost said that I have survived that monster several times, but it seemed a bit melodramatic. The point is, I don’t like roundabouts.  Truth be told, I don’t totally understand how to use them.

Best I can tell, none of us really knows how to use them.  That’s the problem.  Some drivers are way too aggressive, surging ahead into the circle whether there’s traffic or not.  Other drivers are way too timid, as they sit there waiting and waiting for all traffic to clear.  They’re looking for the perfect opportunity that never comes.

Roundabouts originated in England around 1963.  The first US roundabout was built in Las Vegas in 1990.  Today, there are over 5,000 roundabouts in the world, mostly in England, France and the U.S.

Now don’t confuse a roundabout with a traffic circle: they are two entirely different things. Who knew?  Traffic circles are much larger than roundabouts and often have traffic signs and/or traffic signals inside them.  Cars also travel through traffic circles at much faster speeds.
I have a tough enough time with the roundabouts.  I fear I’d never survive something filled with lights and signals, all at 50 miles per hour.

Roundabouts are designed with a raised island in the center intended to slow cars down to a steady 15-20 miles per hour.  I’m sure I‘ve seen cars whipping through much faster than that, and I have certainly seen cars come to a complete halt.

And don’t confuse a roundabout or a traffic circle with a traffic calming circle.  Those are something else entirely.  Like speed bumps and their larger brother speed humps, traffic calming circles are meant to slow us down.  They are found mainly in suburban neighborhoods.  I have driven around several of them, and I’ve never felt calmed.

Since no one I know seems to like roundabouts, I researched why road engineers keep adding them, especially in Dublin.  Someone there must be getting some big kickbacks.

According to the Federal Highway Commission,  roundabouts increase traffic capacity 30-50%. They also reduce major collisions  40-60%, and traffic injuries by 35-80%.  (Can you authenticate a statistic that broad?)  

I can’t find any statistics on fender-benders in roundabouts, but my money says they are much higher.  I wonder if 3C Body Shop is behind this proliferation of roundabouts?  If so, they should just own up to it.  How about naming rights?  The Dublin 161 roundabout brought to you by Frank’s Auto Body.

Even if statistics support the theory that roundabouts are quicker and safer, that assumes that drivers know how to use them properly.  I think that’s the problem.  We are all a little confused. Surge ahead?  Yield?  Switch lanes?  Stay in one lane? Slow down?  Speed up?  Stop entirely? Where’s the manual for these?

And what about pedestrians?  How do they get through the roundabout?  Do they run around the perimeter until they find their exit?  This seems dangerous.  More like a game of Frogger (or Crossy Road for you Millenials) than an efficient system.

Bicycles?  I don’t think they stand a chance.  Do they stay in the inside lane or outside lane or cut straight through?

At some point, we need to start teaching how to drive roundabouts in Driver’s Ed classes.  I would probably take a night class.   It would definitely be more useful than the traffic cones I learned to maneuver through back in the 1980's.

Andra Gillum is a free-lance writer from Upper Arlington, Ohio, and the author of Doggy Drama and Puppy Drama.  Both books are available at www.doggydrama.com, or pick one up at Colin’s coffee.  Send your comments and feedback to andra@doggydrama.com.  

The Kids & Dogs Made Me Do It - by Andra Gillum

The Kids & Dogs Made Me Do It!
by Andra Gillum

As adults, we prefer to stay in our comfort zone.  By then, we’ve all made plenty of mistakes.  We have learned from them, but we have also felt their pain.  This makes us cautious and sometimes afraid to fail.  We always have one foot on the brake.

Children still see the world without limits. I love that my son is planning on being an NFL running back, and my daughter looks forward to her career as a famous recording artist.  Kids don’t consider what might go wrong.  Their foot is on the gas!

I always dreamed of writing and publishing a book. Like many adults, I was afraid take a chance.  I didn’t want to embarrass myself, or feel the sting of failure.   This is the story of how my kids and my dogs inspired me to take a chance.  This is the story of how Doggy Drama was born…

When my husband and I were first married, we got a puppy named Riley.  This was before kids (BK), so she was our whole world!

We showered her with gifts and treats and attention!  She got more walks than any dog deserves.  Riley had it all.

After a few years, we decided to have kids. Human kids to be more specific.  First we had a son and then a few years later, a daughter.  We still gave Riley plenty of attention, but clearly it wasn’t the same.

In my defense, I did have a toddler and a baby in the house, but Riley never complained.  At least, not to my face.

A few more years down the line, the kids convinced us to get a new puppy.  In hindsight, we didn’t even consult Riley!  

Little Lucy is a West Highland terrier, just like Riley.  But, unlike Riley (who’s getting a little older), she’s full, full, full of energy!  

Riley tried to act like our new addition didn’t bother her, but she’s not a very good actress.  She just had that annoyed look on her face.

I started to notice them fighting.  Literally.  They would growl at each other, paw at each other, bark and bite each other!  You could hear their teeth, snap, snap, snap!

It really struck me as funny how they fought like any two sisters. They were just like the kids.  I started to write down my observations.  Over time, it evolved into a story.

The idea was that even dogs struggle with sibling rivalry!   It’s nice to be the center of attention, but it usually doesn’t last.  The “new kids” stole all the attention.   Poor Riley felt kicked to the curb!

I named my story Doggy Drama, but it sat on my computer for months.  I have always dreamed of publishing a children’s book.  Now I had a great story, but I was still dragging my feet.

What if I only sold 16 copies… all to close family?  What if I did a book reading and only the crickets showed up?  Would I be left with a garage full of books?

My kids are the ones who convinced me to go for it!  They were reading the manuscript over my shoulder one day as I was editing it.  Kids are great motivators!  Their enthusiasm was contagious!  After all, it wasn’t about writing a best seller.  I was about fulfilling a dream!

I found a small publisher called Mascot books who was willing to work with me and help me find an illustrator.  That was a long process.  I had to find an illustrator with a style that fit my book, and someone who was willing to draw the pictures the way I wanted them to look.

Once we found an illustrator, it was a long process of laying out the storyboard, turning sketches into final drawings, choosing colors, choosing a cover, making final edits, and then putting it all together!  

The publishing process took a full year.  It was a fun process, but certainly tougher than I expected!

Last fall, Mascot Books released my first children’s book called Doggy Drama.  I spent a fun year visiting schools, sharing the books and getting inspired by the students!   They suggested I write a sequel and this fall, the sequel Puppy Drama was released!  

The past few years have been a fun journey.  I’ve taken chances, stepped outside of my comfort zone, and learned a lot along the way.  The best part is that it was all inspired by my kids and my dogs.  Just don’t tell them.  Otherwise, they’ll start fighting over who deserves the most credit!

Learn more about the books and order a personalized copy at www.doggydrama.com.  Or, pick up your copy of Doggy Drama or Puppy Drama today at everyone’s favorite local coffee shop - Colin’s Coffee.  I might see you there.

I guess I have my kids and my dogs to thank for bringing my books to life.  Just don’t tell them or they’ll start fighting over who deserves the most credit.

Andra Gillum is a free-lance writer from Upper Arlington, Ohio, and the author of Doggy Drama and Puppy Drama.  Send your comments and feedback to andra@doggydrama.com.  

Back To School: Then vs. Now - by Andra Gillum

The first day of school is August 17th.  Seriously?  I double-checked to make sure there was no mistake.  What happened to the good old days when we started after Labor Day?  Who decided that mid-August was the new September?

I’ve gotten several explanations.  Someone suggested they want the school districts to follow the college schedule.  That makes no sense.  Who wants to be in Florida on Spring Break when the college students are there?  I have no desire to compete in a belly flop competition, or set sail on a fraternity booze cruise.

Our Superintendent said they took a survey, and the majority wanted an early start.  I know the kids and teachers don’t want this, so it must be the seniors.  They want the pool to themselves.  Can’t blame them.  They just want to do a little water aerobics in peace.…without the whistles blowing.  Plus, seniors are the only ones who took time to complete the survey.  The rest of us don’t bother to participate.  We prefer to complain about the results.

The most likely reason I’ve heard blames the early start on the standardized testing in the spring.  Schools need to pack in as much curriculum as they can before the testing period.  Common Core strikes again.

I’m glad school didn’t start this early when I was a kid.  I would have been awfully hot wearing the new Firenza sweater and Gloria Vanderbilt jeans that my mom bought me when we went school shopping.  My Member’s Only jacket would have been a little better, but still warm.  

My kids wear shorts for the first six weeks of school.  Actually, my son wears shorts for the entire year.  He’s a 7th grader now, and I gave up that battle years ago.

So many things about back to school have changed.  Now we buy school supplies through the PTO, and they’re delivered right to class.  That’s actually helpful.  No more running around searching for the box of crayons with the built in sharpener, the wide-ruled spiral notebook, or the newest Trapper Keeper.

What about textbooks?  We used to haul around an armful of them, all carefully covered with a brown grocery bag.  I could never figure out how to cut the bag right, but we managed.   Then, we added our best graffiti.  My older sister always had the Van Halen logo on her books.  I think mine had the MTV logo and probably something about Duran Duran.

Now kids get MacBooks and iPads instead of books.   Nobody is covering those in brown grocery bags.  First of all, grocery bags are plastic now.  Secondly, that paper wouldn’t provide much protection when kids drop their device on the ground.  I’m pretty sure the screen would still shatter.  The “optional” laptop insurance coverage is the new book cover. 

How about the lockers?  They still use those same old combination locks.  Is it left, right left, or right, left right?  Shouldn’t there be something digital by now?  After all, they now sell entire lines of designer locker accessories and supplies.  Who wouldn’t want a locker chandelier?  Can’t we all agree that is a little over the top, especially if dad has to stop by school to run the electricity.

Back to school has certainly changed since I was in school, but kids will always dread the start of early mornings, and especially homework!  If we want joyous faces, we’ll need to head to the local pool to watch the ladies group-walking their laps around the lazy river.

Welcome back to school to all students, teachers and staff.  Ready or not, here it comes!

Andra Gillum is a free-lance writer from Upper Arlington with kids heading back to school at Windermere Elementary and Hastings Middle School.  Send your comments and feedback to andra@doggydrama.com.  
 

Andra is also the author of the children’s books “Doggy Drama” and “Puppy Drama” (coming soon).  Learn more at www.doggydrama.com or at www.facebook.com/doggydrama.