Elf Anxiety - by Andra Gillum

Elf Anxiety by Andra Gillum.

Every year just after Thanksgiving, I look forward to unpacking all our Christmas decorations.  I pull out the boxes, and the kids and I put everything in its proper place.  I must admit, however that there is one holiday decoration I wish I could leave in the bottom of the box.

The Elf on the Shelf triggers my anxiety.  I hate to admit it, but this little guy really knows how to push my buttons.

As I said, I love almost everything about Christmas.  From the decorations to the lights to the music and traditions, I l really do love it all.   It’s just that darned Elf!

It’s not that I dislike elves in general.  The movie Elf is a classic.  I love that Buddy the Elf and his Pop-tart pasta with syrup.  And how could you not root for the little misfits: Herbie the dentist and his friend Rudolph?

It’s just the Elf on the Shelf who makes me twitchy.  The holiday season is busy enough, and the stress he adds just pushes me over the top.

Every night, I’m expected to come up with some clever thing to do with the Elf, or some funny place to put him.  There are photos and ideas all over the web about it.

Somehow, I’ve gotten on an email list that sends me ideas an inspiration for my elf.  When they suggested that I soak the elf’s feet in a bath of marshmallows and call it a spa day, I decided that I’d rather leave the elf on his shelf and have my own spa day.

My kids show me You Tube videos of all the clever things that other elves do.  Someone’s naughty elf actually wrapped their entire Christmas tree in holiday paper.  I’m lucky to get all the gifts wrapped.  Never mind ribbons and bows.

Then there’s the Elf Shaming.  My daughter comes home from school with stories of all the silly and clever things that her friends’ elves did.  She tells me how bad she feels that she has nothing to share. Mom guilt.

Plus, the pressure goes on all month long!  That means 24 nights of anxiety.  24 days of trying to think of something new and different.  

There have been nights when I have finally climbed into my warm bed after an evening of wrapping gifts.  I’m half asleep when I am jolted awake by the realizations that I have forgotten to do anything with the elf.

I’m certain that I am not the only one with elf-anxiety.  A friend posted a funny picture on You Tube of an elf wearing a full leg cast.  He left a note for the children saying that he wouldn’t be able to move from the shelf for 2-3 weeks.  That’s one smart mom.  

I hate to come across as a Grinch because I really do love Christmas, and all the fun traditions for our kids.  Maybe we can just shorten the elf’s visit from the North Pole?  How about a nice, 3-day weekend?  Who’s with me?

I mean no offense to any Elf lovers out there.  I applaud your enthusiasm and perseverance.  We’ll just have to agree to disagree.

So, whether you love the Elf…or count down the days to his departure, I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!  

Andra Gillum is a Pencil Storm contributor and the author of the children’s books “Doggy Drama” and “Puppy Drama” and “Old Doggy Drama”.  Learn more or order online at www.doggydrama.com.  Like us on Facebook at: www.facebook.com/doggydrama.   

If you work for a school, or know of one who would be interested in an author visit, please contact Andra at andrag@wowway.com.  Follow Andra on Twitter @GillumAndra

Kids Say Some Crazy Things! - by Andra Gillum

My favorite part about being a children’s author is reading and sharing my stories with kids.  I am often invited to schools as a “visiting author”.  My audience can range from preschoolers to middle schoolers.

Each group is unique.  I love to watch their reactions, hear their laughter, listen to their connections and field their questions which are always genuine, often very insightful, and occasionally very funny.

I started writing down some of my favorite remarks.  

First of all, kids always ask me how old I am.  I always try to deflect the question, but they typically won’t take no for an answer.  A few boys have said they expected me to be older, so I guess that’s a good thing.

One day I was telling a class that it took me well over a year to write my book.  A boy exclaimed:  “Your hand must have been really tired!”  I started to explain that I wasn’t actually writing for that entire time, but then I just let it go.

One little girl wrote me a thank you note after my visit and asked if I was a teenager.  That letter has been framed and hung it on my wall.

During a classroom presentation, a preschooler raised his hand.  “Is your book available on Amazon?” he inquired.

“Yes,” I laughed.  “How do you know about Amazon?”  

“My Dad says that Mom has an addiction.”  

While reading to a kindergarten class, I asked the kids who has a dog.  Most of them raised their hands.  One little boy blurted out “My dog died.”  

“I’m so sorry,”  I responed.  “Was your dog sick?”  

“No.” he replied.  “He was hit by a comet.”

“That happens sometimes,”  I told him.

Kids like to blurt out random things. “Do you like Luke Bryant?” one boy asked.

“Today is my birthday!” a little girl once proclaimed.

“That’s why I’m here”, I assured her.

I was asking one group about the difference between an author and an illustrator, when an impatient boy blurted out: “Did you draw the pictures?”

“No.” I responded.  “I wish I could have, but that isn’t my talent.”

He replied: “You could have just taken an art class.”  Why didn’t I think of that?

One day I was visiting a school to celebrate the birthday of Dr. Suess.  A boy asked me if I am friends with Dr. Suess.  “No,” I replied.  “Dr. Suess has been dead over 25 years.”  

He still thought we should be friends.

When I was explaining part of one book where the older sister is rather bossy, one 5 year old raised his hand.  He admitted:  “I’m pretty bossy.”  

I told him it’s good to be self-aware.

My Dad talks about a TV show he used to watch called “Kids Say the Darndest Things”.  

I love how they freely speak whatever comes to their mind.  They never consider whether it might sound strange, or be embarrassing.

It seems to be around age 11 or 12 when we become more self-conscious of what we say.

I suppose it’s good to filter our words to some extent, but I do love listening to little ones as their  thoughts flood out of their mouth like an open tap.

I wouldn’t want it any other way!  

Andra Gillum is a free-lance writer and the author of the children’s books “Doggy Drama” and “Puppy Drama” and “Old Doggy Drama” (coming soon).  Learn more at www.doggydrama.com.  Like us on Facebook at: www.facebook.com/doggydrama.   

If you work for a school, or know of one who would be interested in an author visit, please contact Andra at andrag@wowway.com.  Follow Andra on Twitter @GillumAndra

The Kids & Dogs Made Me Do It - by Andra Gillum

The Kids & Dogs Made Me Do It!
by Andra Gillum

As adults, we prefer to stay in our comfort zone.  By then, we’ve all made plenty of mistakes.  We have learned from them, but we have also felt their pain.  This makes us cautious and sometimes afraid to fail.  We always have one foot on the brake.

Children still see the world without limits. I love that my son is planning on being an NFL running back, and my daughter looks forward to her career as a famous recording artist.  Kids don’t consider what might go wrong.  Their foot is on the gas!

I always dreamed of writing and publishing a book. Like many adults, I was afraid take a chance.  I didn’t want to embarrass myself, or feel the sting of failure.   This is the story of how my kids and my dogs inspired me to take a chance.  This is the story of how Doggy Drama was born…

When my husband and I were first married, we got a puppy named Riley.  This was before kids (BK), so she was our whole world!

We showered her with gifts and treats and attention!  She got more walks than any dog deserves.  Riley had it all.

After a few years, we decided to have kids. Human kids to be more specific.  First we had a son and then a few years later, a daughter.  We still gave Riley plenty of attention, but clearly it wasn’t the same.

In my defense, I did have a toddler and a baby in the house, but Riley never complained.  At least, not to my face.

A few more years down the line, the kids convinced us to get a new puppy.  In hindsight, we didn’t even consult Riley!  

Little Lucy is a West Highland terrier, just like Riley.  But, unlike Riley (who’s getting a little older), she’s full, full, full of energy!  

Riley tried to act like our new addition didn’t bother her, but she’s not a very good actress.  She just had that annoyed look on her face.

I started to notice them fighting.  Literally.  They would growl at each other, paw at each other, bark and bite each other!  You could hear their teeth, snap, snap, snap!

It really struck me as funny how they fought like any two sisters. They were just like the kids.  I started to write down my observations.  Over time, it evolved into a story.

The idea was that even dogs struggle with sibling rivalry!   It’s nice to be the center of attention, but it usually doesn’t last.  The “new kids” stole all the attention.   Poor Riley felt kicked to the curb!

I named my story Doggy Drama, but it sat on my computer for months.  I have always dreamed of publishing a children’s book.  Now I had a great story, but I was still dragging my feet.

What if I only sold 16 copies… all to close family?  What if I did a book reading and only the crickets showed up?  Would I be left with a garage full of books?

My kids are the ones who convinced me to go for it!  They were reading the manuscript over my shoulder one day as I was editing it.  Kids are great motivators!  Their enthusiasm was contagious!  After all, it wasn’t about writing a best seller.  I was about fulfilling a dream!

I found a small publisher called Mascot books who was willing to work with me and help me find an illustrator.  That was a long process.  I had to find an illustrator with a style that fit my book, and someone who was willing to draw the pictures the way I wanted them to look.

Once we found an illustrator, it was a long process of laying out the storyboard, turning sketches into final drawings, choosing colors, choosing a cover, making final edits, and then putting it all together!  

The publishing process took a full year.  It was a fun process, but certainly tougher than I expected!

Last fall, Mascot Books released my first children’s book called Doggy Drama.  I spent a fun year visiting schools, sharing the books and getting inspired by the students!   They suggested I write a sequel and this fall, the sequel Puppy Drama was released!  

The past few years have been a fun journey.  I’ve taken chances, stepped outside of my comfort zone, and learned a lot along the way.  The best part is that it was all inspired by my kids and my dogs.  Just don’t tell them.  Otherwise, they’ll start fighting over who deserves the most credit!

Learn more about the books and order a personalized copy at www.doggydrama.com.  Or, pick up your copy of Doggy Drama or Puppy Drama today at everyone’s favorite local coffee shop - Colin’s Coffee.  I might see you there.

I guess I have my kids and my dogs to thank for bringing my books to life.  Just don’t tell them or they’ll start fighting over who deserves the most credit.

Andra Gillum is a free-lance writer from Upper Arlington, Ohio, and the author of Doggy Drama and Puppy Drama.  Send your comments and feedback to andra@doggydrama.com.  

Snow - Then vs. Now by Andra Gillum

Snow - Then vs. Now      

By:  Andra Gillum

I know I’m getting older when I repeatedly tell my kids how much harder things were back in “my day.”  Take snow for example…..

How about snow days at school?  Although I’m sure it’s not true, I remember getting like one day off per year…and that includes the blizzard of ’78.

When I was in school, we had to wake up and switch on the clock radio to find out if school was closed.  They read school closings in alphabetical order, and I would always tune in about 30 seconds too late.  I went to Dublin schools, for example, but usually turned on my radio just as they were reading Eastmoor.  

These days, we get an automated call by 5:00 AM.  It’s great…until the home phone rings, then my cell phone rings, then my husband’s cell phone rings, then the voice mail alerts start to ring…on so on.  Really, one alert would be fine.

We never called them calamity days either.  Even when school is cancelled, they’re working to expand the kids’ vocabulary.  These common core standards have really raised the bar.  

My kids still love sledding, just like we did.  But, think of how much better the sleds are these days.  Remember those super heavy all-wood toboggans?  My sister and I would always fight to see who would have to lug that beast back up the hill!

These days the plastic sleds are ultra-lightweight and aerodynamic.  Somehow my kids still want me to haul them up the hill... while they sit on the sled!

Kids still like to build snowmen, but the accessories have all changed.  They searched our fridge for a carrot nose, but all they could find were peeled baby carrots.  Not quite the same.  And where would you even find a corn cob pipe these days?  In 2016, Frosty is more likely to smoke a vapor pen.

Back in the day, we never really knew when the snow was coming.  My parents tried to catch the news at 6:00 or 11:00 to get the weather forecast, but the meteorologists weren’t even sure.

These days, you can check your phone, TV or computer 24 hours a day to get the up to the minute forecast.  Standing in front of their Super Doppler Weather Tracker Storm Spotter, today’s meteorologists are like rock stars.  Their fans like them on Facebook and follow them on Twitter.

Remember snow tires? We would have to sit in the boring lobby of the tire shop every fall while they installed ours. My kids don’t know how lucky they are to have all-season radials.

Even the snow gear is much better these days.  Remember the big rubber boots that buckled over your shoes?  The kid from Fat Albert wore his year round.  The advantage was that they were big enough to buckle over any size shoe, so they lasted forever.  These days, we crazy parents buy new snow boots every year!

We also had those mittens on a string that wrapped behind our neck until someone discovered that we could strangle ourselves.

And what about the one-piece snowsuits that snapped all the way up?  Not the bib overalls, but the all-in-one coat and pants.  Girls today don’t know what tough is until they try to go to the bathroom in one of those things without dipping their sleeve in the toilet.

Things have certainly changed over the years even when it comes to snow.  I can only imagine what things will be like when my kids are parents.  I am picturing some sort of self-propelled, hovercraft sled that won’t even require a hill…or snow.  But where’s the fun in that?  Here’s to the good old days!

Andra Gillum is a free-lance writer and author.  She lives in Upper Arlington with her husband, two kids and two dogs.  Andra’s columns periodically appear in the Columbus Dispatch.  She is also the author of the children’s book Doggy Drama, and its sequel, Puppy Drama, to be released in late 2016.  Learn more at www.doggydrama.com or contact Andra at andra@doggydrama.com.