I Went Ahead and Wrote LeBron's Return Speech for Him. by Colin G.

Lebron, I know you are busy with free agency, stocking the mini bar on the Lear jet and getting ready for the World Cup, so I thought I would do my share and knock out a "return to Cleveland" statement for your use. Takes one thing off your plate anyway. No need to thank me, it's really the least I could do. Have fun in Brazil. See ya around The Flats soon. 

 "I would like to start by thanking the Miami Heat organization, my teammates and especially the fans for making my time in South Beach so enjoyable. I gave my all and I think we enjoyed some great moments together. For this I will be forever grateful. When I came to Miami, I had never lived anywhere outside of my hometown of Akron, Ohio. I never had the college experience or a chance to experience something completely different from what I knew growing up. With the benefit of these past years, I can see know how much I have matured during my time in the Sunshine State. Once again, I want to thank everybody in the Miami Heat community for treating me so well, but my work is done here. It is time for me to return home to my city and my family and once again give it my all to try and win a title for the great sports fans of Ohio." 

This was originally part of "LeBron James Returns to Cleveland" Click here for the full story.

Colin Gawel founded Pencilstorm and can't add much more than that right now because he is at work.

John McClain Doesn't Die and LeBron Won't Lose To the Pacers. I've Seen This Movie Before. Goodnight.

I'm not staying up for Heat vs Pacers game seven tonight. I've got to get up at 5:30 am tomorrow and though ESPN, talk radio and the NBA have tried to convince me otherwise, I know how this is going to end. As a scorned Cleveland fan, I desperately  want to believe the Pacers can pull the upset, but I'm not willing to bet 2 hours of sleep on it. The NBA is nothing if not predictable. The Heat will win in one of two ways: 1) Lebron just rolls the Pacers in the 3rd quarter.. 2) the much maligned "little two" convert some clutch plays in the final four minutes and the Heat roll on to an epic "old school  vs bird man school" made for TV final versus the Spurs.

I don't think tonight's Eastern conference final is fixed like say, the NBA draft*, but when it comes to game seven, the NBA storyline is as obvious as a blockbuster movie. LeBron James isn't going home any sooner than John McClain is getting killed in the next Diehard movie. I'm not talking X's and O's. The Pacers size and long defense hampering the Heat's three point shooters, Wade's balky knee....,Can LeBron carry the his new team the way he used to in Cleveland? blah blah blah. 

And a barefoot John McClain was surrounded by terrorists on a floor covered with broken glass.... 

Spoiler Alert!! Lebron wins and John McClain survives. The storyline is obvious. America hates a loser and more importantly so do the TV advertisers. And even more importantly, so does NBA Commish David Stern. It's over. Heat win game seven. Get some sleep and save it for the finals.

I will be checking the score tomorrow at 5:30am at Colin's Coffee and if for some crazy reason I am wrong, the first person to bust me out on facebook/twitter gets a $25 gift card to Colin's Coffee or  an auto graphed copy of "Hitless Wonder" sent to them next week. Have fun staying up to watch the end of Diehard again, suckers, I'm getting some Zzzzzzzzzzzz

Colin Gawel plays in Watershed and started Pencilstorm. He wrote this very quickly while his wife was frowning at him just before tip off of Heat vs Pacers game 7. Hit "About Pencilstorm/ contributors" for more info about him. He has to go now, his wife is getting really pissed because he hasn't finished cooking dinner or putting their nine year old son to bed.