AEW Star Chris Jericho brings his KISS Unmasked cover band Kuarantine to Columbus, Ohio, Friday, June 30th
Read MoreKISS Master Blaster - My KISS Record by Colin Gawel
Eddie Trunk recently released a cool list of his top twenty KISS songs. But just before that moment, Pencilstorm held a fantasy draft of songs from the KISS Unmasked era. Now that is something never attempted by mankind. Some might say it put the X in the Xtreme and even Exposed the Extreme. Click here for the full results of the draft . Below is the album selected by Colin Gawel. More albums from other owners coming soon. Enjoy!
KISS Master Blaster
Produced by Colin Gawel with permission of the Pencilstorm Unmasked KISS Fantasy Draft. Number next to song indicates the round it was taken.
Side One
Crazy Crazy Nights (5)
Hide Your Heart (2)
Hell or High Water (4)
Read My Body (12)
Forever (7)
Thief in the Night (9)
Side Two
Thou Shall Not (3)
Tears Are Falling (1)
I’m Alive (10)
Let’s Put The X in Sex (8)
Secretly Cruel (6)
The Street Giveth and the Street Taketh Away (11)
Thoughts on side one:
Crazy Crazy Nights (Crazy Nights) - I was hoping to land Unholy and Heart of Chrome but unfortunately lost both to draft lottery winner Matt Walters. By round five I was backed into a corner and really needed a song to lead off my album. Maybe it’s just force of habit but it’s hard to imagine a song that didn’t lead off a side of a real KISS record leading off my fake record. So though never my favorite song or record, I chose Crazy Nights and immediately slotted it to lead off my record. I also thought about naming my record Crazy Crazy Crazy Nights instead of Master Blaster.
Hide Your Heart (Hot in the Shade) - As mentioned, I missed out on my first two picks so I pivoted and went with two singles giving me this song in the 2nd round. Though it’s kinda cheesy and the production isn’t great, it’s catchy as hell and I’ve always had a soft spot for it after seeing Paul debut it live on his solo tour at the Newport Music Hall in Columbus, OH. His “COME ON!” is one of my favorite Paul moments.
Hell or High Water (Crazy Nights) - After nabbing two Paul songs out of the gate, I knew I had to rally quick and grab some decent Gene tunes before the pickings got slim. Generally speaking, I’m not a fan of Ron Nevison production style but I think it works very well in this instance. Slick, but rocking enough to do the Demon justice. Hearing Paul doing background vox towards the end is a bonus. FAN VIDEO!!!
Read My Body (Hot in the Shade) Ugh. There just isn’t any place to hide this stinker so in the interest of keeping both sides of my record relatively balanced I’m going to slot it before my big ballad. Bonus points that they modulate and move up a full step before the last chorus like they were cutting Born to Run. Let's turn the page and get to the good stuff.... FAN VIDEO!!!
Forever (Hot in the Shade) - I felt lucky to grab the biggest hit of the Unmasked era in the 7th round. My record may not be the best, but I think it might have been the top selling of the bunch. One thing that became clear to me doing research for this draft is what an unfocused mess HITS is. It’s WAY too long and many songs just don’t sound finished. KISS got very lucky that this song, buried in the middle of 15 songs, found its way into the pop top ten. In fact, without this surprise hit, KISS wouldn’t have even toured behind this record. What would have happened to the band? KISSstory would have taken a different course without it. Live in Australia with a Symphony and Beck's Dad conducting Peter Criss???? Hells Yeah!
Thief in the Night (Crazy Nights) A fairly forgettable though not awful Gene song to round out side one.
Side Two:
Thou Shall Not (Revenge) I think Revenge and Lick it Up are the best records of the Unmasked era and I got exactly ONE song total from either so I guess I wasn’t alone in that thinking. This song rocks way harder than any other on this record so I’m just going to lead off side two with it. Taking it in the 3rd round I thought I would be able to find some other hard rockers later in the draft but lonely is this hunter. FAN VIDEO!!
Off the top of my head: Ranking the Gene songs that lead off a KISS side. As released on real records and not reissues.
Deuce 2) Unholy 3) I Love it Loud 4) World Without Heroes 5) Love ‘Em and Leave Em’ 6) That one from Hotter than Hell 7) Charisma
Tears Are Falling (Asylum) A solid first round pick. In fact, listening to it now, it doesn’t really sound like any other KISS song from the era. It’s almost alternative hard rock. The Cult could have put it on the LOVE record and it would have sounded at home. Pretty amazing this was the lead single from an 80’s KISS record. Sublime is a word rarely used to describe a KISS song though I would use it here if it means what I think it means.
Along those lines, Asylum as a whole ages pretty well. Truth be told, before revisiting the entire Unmasked era for this draft, I would have called this my favorite album of that period. It still sounds good and I don’t hate the album art as much as everybody else. And I liked the big KISS sign they used on that tour though not much footage of it exists for whatever reason.
Un - Unmasked Live version
I’m Alive (Asylum) - I like this song more now than I did as a young man. Kind of fresh and different. It certainly “kicks” as they say. Too bad Eric Carr didn’t get more of a chance to contribute to the band. I’m sure Gene and Paul were hesitant to unleash another Catman or Vinnie Vincent but seems like they left some potential on the bench with the fox.
Let’s Put the X in Sex (Smashes Thrashes and Hits) OK. I never planned on having this song for obvious reasons but once staring at my choices in the 8th round I decided it would be way more fun to have the X than not have it. I already had Crazy Nights and Forever so who was I kidding? For all its flaws, it’s kind of groovy. And even better, I own the video rights which you get to enjoy…...right……… NOW! FYI - this video has 5,617,122 views. More than all the Decemberists videos combined. For what that is worth.
Secretly Cruel (Asylum) In retrospect this was a reach at six. I was feeling pressure to get enough decent Gene songs and panicked. My pain was eased when Matt Walters showed me the amazing video to this song done by the band Double Virgo. They (He?) takes modern KISS songs and recuts them as if they were recorded for Dressed to Kill. And films a video too. It’s completely amazing and it saves this pick. Enjoy!
Geez. I should have called this record Asylum Resurrected. What is my problem ?
The Street Giveth and the Street Taketh Away (Hot in the Shade) - Some of those late HITS songs are sneaky good. I can live with this in the 11th round.
Summary: Looking at this now. My draft looks like a guy who got drunk and drafted all 1st basemen and closers.
Hot in the Shade 4 songs
Crazy Nights 3 songs
Asylum 3 songs
Revenge 1 song
Smashes 1 - song
Ugh. If you would have told me before the draft this is where my songs would come from I would have assumed a my record only got released on 8 track in Brazil but it’s a testimony to KISS how strong Master Blaster is. I like this record. And now I’m going to crank it up!!
Colin Gawel plays in Watershed and The League Bowlers. He founded Pencilstorm while working at Colin's Coffee and really thought his idea for the KISS Unmasked Fantasy Draft would make him famous and get him invited VIP to the KISS expo in Indianapolis. He was wrong. None of that happened but his is going to Indy anyway.
Mel Kiper's Big Board: Ranking All the KISS Unmasked Songs
Mel's Kiper's Big Board: Ranking the KISS Unmasked Songs
The Unmasked draft is set. On Sunday February 18 in Cobo Hall in Detroit, six teams will be drafting songs from the KISS non-makeup era. Lick It Up to Revenge. Ping pong balls were pulled last week and the draft order is: 1) Matt Walters 2) Scott Carr 3) Mike Lovins 4) Jeremy Porter 5) Colin Gawel 6) David Martin. Click here to learn more about the teams and the draft process .
To get you primed for the event we asked ESPN draft guru Mel Kiper Jr. to give us his expert opinion on how he sees the draft working out. Remember, his Big Board is NOT a mock draft and does not reflect what team needs must be addressed specifically. It's an overall assessment of how he values each song. Once again, this is NOT the actual draft, just an expert's best guess. The real draft results will be posted Thursday February 22nd at Pencilstorm.
Take it away Mel Kiper Jr!!
1 - Unholy / Revenge: The clear number one, the best Gene song by a country mile
2 - I've Had Enough / Animalize: Probably the best written, hardest-rocking Paul song of the non-makeup era This song can make all the throws.
3 - Heart of Chrome / Revenge: My favorite Vinnie co-write and my favorite song on Revenge .
4 - Fits Like A Glove / Lick It Up: Such a great Gene song, even if it was overplayed live
5 - Tears Are Falling / Asylum: Maybe the best pure Paul song of the 80's
6 - Domino / Revenge: Even if it was ripped off of a Black & Blue song, it still rips
7 - Lick It Up / Lick It Up: Great, even after a million times This song ran a 4.3 at the Kiss combine.
8- Heaven's On Fire / Animalize: Same as LIU
9 - Not For The Innocent / Lick It Up: An excellent LIU chestnut
10 - Thrills In the Night / Animalize: Such an astute piece of writing for a great album of Paul material
11 - Get All You Can Take / Animalize: Love this song, even with the over the top "fucking"
12 - Thou Shalt Not / Revenge: A return to form for the demon, a heavyweight in topic and music
13 - A Million To One / Lick It Up: One of the greatest Paul power-ballads ever.
14 - Every Time I Look At You / Revenge: Such a delicate song - no doubt heavily influenced by Ezrin
15 - King of the Mountain / Asylum: Such a great opener - is there a better Carr drum track?
16 - Hell or High Water / Crazy Nights: Underrated CN nugget from the Demon. Might be Kulick's best co-write.
17 - Turn On The Night / Crazy Nights: Who doesn't love a little Diane Warren cheese?
18 - I'll Fight Hell To Hold You / Crazy Nights: A great song in the vein of the other hardest Paul tracks from the 80's
19 - God Gave Rock and Roll To You / Revenge: Just a great song and a great cover choice.
20 - Who Wants To Be Lonely / Asylum: Might be the best melodic song on Asylum
21 - Reason to Live / Crazy Nights: The song that saved Crazy Nights. Great chorus.
22 - Forever / Hot In the Shade: Not my favorite, but hard not to rate it up there.
23 - Crazy Crazy Nights / Crazy Nights: Just a great anthem. Makes big plays in big games.
24 - Gimme More / Lick It Up Another LIU classic.
25 - Young And Wasted / Lick It Up: Fond memories of Carr singing this one live.
26 - Under The Gun / Animalize: Rounding out Paul's big 5 from Animalize
27 - Exciter / Lick It Up: Not the greatest opener, but still a great song.
28 - And On The 8th Day / Lick It Up: Might be the best closing track of all the 80's albums.
29 - Take It Off / Revenge: It's cheesy, but it slams.
30 - Good Girl Gone Bad / Crazy Nights: I've always thought this Gene song was underrated (and his CN material holds up better than Paul's)
31 - Hide Your Heart / Hot In the Shade: A well-written song with a great chorus. Of the times, but it still works.
32 - Betrayed / Hot In the Shade: I've always thought this was an OVERRATED song by KISS fans simply because HITS was a bad album
33 - Paralyzed / Revenge: I like this tune, but it doesn't rate that high because I like so many others better.
34 - Dance All Over Your Face / Lick It Up: I've liked this song better than I probably should. It's just a typical Gene sleazefest.
35 - Just Wanna / Revenge: I don't really dig this song, but it really worked live and is well- written despite the Summertime Blues-isms
36 - All Hell's Breaking Loose / Lick It Up: I've never liked this song. The Paul rap thing doesn't work for me.
37 - Thief In The Night / Crazy Nights: This song isn't bad, but it just doesn't really have enough for me.
38 - Tough Love / Revenge: An interesting song that needed a better chorus. Sounds too much like a worse version of Heart of Chrome
39 - Little Caesar / Hot In the Shade: I think this isn't bad, but I've never thought it was that great. I think because it's Eric's vocal debut it's overrated
40 - Rise To It / Hot In the Shade: Maybe the most overrated song ever. It's so funny how retro rock briefly became this terribly white blues in 88-89. It's good, but…..
41 - Cadillac Dreams / Hot In the Shade: I LOVE this song, but many hate it. It's not great but I love Gene's solo because he took these kind of chances, so…...
42 - Any Way You Slice It / Asylum: It's not as awful as it could be. The end is atrocious, though. Any time a song ends like that it's gets deducted major points
43 - Trial By Fire / Asylum: Pretty good song for its placement, but not a winner
44 - I'm Alive / Asylum: Not a bad song, but a milquetoast Paul thrasher. Essentially Under the Gun II Talent pool is deep at this position, no need to reach.
45 - Love's a Deadly Weapon / Asylum: Not a terrible song either, but kind of forgettable
46 - Uh! All Night! / Asylum I hate this song because the chorus sucks to me. I get it, but I'm not onboard.
47 - Secretly Cruel / Asylum: The Double Virgo cover makes me like it more than I would without that reference point…...
48 - King of Hearts / Hot In the Shade: Average HITS song but that's not saying much
49 - Prisoner of Love / Hot In the Shade: Another average HITS song - some days I love it, some days…...
50 - Silver Spoon / Hot In the Shade: Apparently this is the part of the list where average HITS songs go to die. I like the message better than the execution.
51 - When Your Walls Come Down / Crazy Nights: There's nothing that says we're getting close to the bottom like Crazy Nights filler
52 - The Street Giveth / Hot In the Shade: This is a great idea for a song, if not the best song. I tend to like it more than not because I like Bowie
53 - Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell / Hot In the Shade: Firmly in the not bad category, but not good either.
54 - Spit / Revenge: The Spinal Tapisms just don’t' work for me at all
55 - You Love Me To Hate You / Hot In the Shade: Too whiny
56 - Lonely Is the Hunter / Animalize: You know what else is lonely? The bottom of the rankings Really hurt itself with a terrible performance at the East/West Shrine game.
57 - You Make Me Rock Hard / Smashes Thrashes & Hits: I can't do the Smashes Thrashes and Hits tunes
58 - Let's Put the X in Sex / Smashes Thrashes & Hits: see above
59 - While the City Sleeps / Animalize: I try to make this song good because I want it to work. It really doesn't
60 - Love's A Slap in the Face / Hot In the Shade: Just kind of there
61 - Carr Jam '81 / Revenge: Not really a song
62 - Radar For Love / Asylum: Paul gets embarrassing
63 - Murder in High Heels / Animalize: Gene really took a shit on Animalize, didn't he?
64 - Burn Bitch Burn / Animalize: A song I truly struggle not to skip - Off field problems raise a red flag.
65 - Boomerang / Hot In the Shade: Laughing out loud at this song moved it up a few spots from the bottom
66 - My Way / Crazy Nights: Paul the Eunuch
67 - Read My Body / Hot In the Shade: So I dub thee Unforgivable
68 - No, No, No / Crazy Nights: No, No, No is right.
69 - Bang Bang You / Crazy Nights: The Unforgivable II
Mel Kiper Jr. may or may not actually be Matt Walters. If you read this to the very end, you deserve and have earned the truth.