Colin's Four Step Plan for a Semi - Successful Amateur Night

Did you ever notice how only amateurs refer to New Years Eve as "amateur night" ? Well, it's true. Anyway, that being said, there is still a whole bunch of pressure to have the greatest night of your life on New Year's Eve. Especially for you younger folks in your 20's. More often than not, after all the build up, the night ends up a failure with tearful fights, heartache and possible run in with the law.

Having lived through many New Year's Eve, both successful and the opposite, here is my very quick guide to making it a satisfying evening. Or at least not a total disaster.

1) Get your expectations in line. The chances of this being the greatest night of your life are extremely small. In fact, take the number 1 and put it next to the days you have been alive and those are your odds. My odds would be 16,060 to 1. That isn't the horse you want to bet on. Why not just try to make it the best night of the week? That pays 7 to 1. That is a goal within your grasp.

2) Logistics. Get what you need, get where you are going and do not drive again. Best option is to get dropped off where you are going. You will figure out a way home. Only an ASS drives on New Year's Eve. And don't stop at White Castle no matter how tasty it sounds at 3 am.

3) Surround yourself with people you really like. It just takes one asshole to ruin the whole night with a bad decision. Only your tightest crew should be assembled as your core group. 

4) Do not chase the party, let it come to you. Once you are with good people and have what you need, hunker down to a reasonably good spot and spread the word. Don't hit the panic button and start jumping from spot to spot. The grass most likely isn't greener and you end up running all over hell's half acre only to find each party is lamer than the last one. Frustration and bad vibes are certain to follow ruining the evening. OR... put another way, if you are hunting deer, you don't run around the forest shooting a gun in the air, you hunker down and they will come to you.

Follow these four rules I can guarantee that your New Year's Eve will turnout pretty damn good. At the very least it should keep you out of the pokey. Merry New Year!

Colin Gawel once watched Watershed back their van into the side of Dash Rip Rock's Van on New Year's Eve in Memphis. He was shouting "NO!" to Biggie, but Biggie thought he was shouting "GO!". Dash's van was totaled. Being Dash, they thought it was funny.

George Jones = Rock. Motley Crue = Pussies.

George Jones finally passed away this week. I became familiar with George after picking up a copy of his auto-biography I Lived to Tell It All some 20 years back. ​I distinctly remember reading a rave review of the book by Columbus firebrand Jon Petric and picking up a paperback copy before driving from Ohio to Rhode Island with my then girlfriend. 

Damn, George could party. At least 30 times during the drive I would yelp, "I cannot believe he is alive!" ​and continue turning pages. George was guzzling a bottle of whiskey for breakfast, blasting shotguns through the roof of his bus and riding lawnmowers down the highway to buy booze. And then he discovered cocaine. 

Remember Nikki Sixx's mostly bullshit ​autobio The Dirt ? Even that fake shit was half what the old Possum was up to on a daily basis. "Oh, you snorted ants by the pool and Ozzy was impressed?" George did so much blow and booze that he thought he was a duck and disappeared into the woods for months and would only talk in "quacks" when spoken to. 

When you get so high you think you are a duck, not just for a night, but for weeks, that is some serious party.​ QUACK!!!

The book was published when Jones was supposedly sober and turning over a new leaf. About six months after its release, George crashed his Oldsmobile into a bridge support at 90 miles an hour with an empty bottle of whiskey clanging around the wreckage. The accident tore his liver in two pieces and he was not expected to survive.​

Shit, man, it's gonna take more that that to stop George Jones' liver. Not only did he survive, he came back and toured the next 25 years. ​His voice never suffered and he sure sang a bunch of great songs. I've always been partial to "Why Baby Why" because the League Bowlers used to cover it at Joe Oesteich's insistence. Let's get you some George. Read the book and appreciate his gift. 

​And a nod to the great Dash Rip Rock for teaching us Yanks "White Lightning" was 20 times heavier/better than anything Vince Neil would ever sing. And George always looked better than Vince. In fact, I bet George looks better today resting in a casket than Vince looks taking the stage tonight at the Oshkosh County Cheese Festival or where ever he is playing. R.I.P. ya old crazy possum. 

colingawel.com

George (Glenn) Jones performs "White Lightning" *Recommend "high quality" mode. The video is much clearer that way. Click option above view count to switch modes, or go here http://www.youtube.com/video_quality_settings to save your preference for all videos you watch on YouTube.