Heard it From Ryan, Who, Heard It From Taylor, Who, Heard it from Gary You've Been Messin' Around - by Colin G.

My first thought at hearing that Ryan Adams had covered Taylor Swift's album 1989 was, "Well hell, Ryan is trying to bang Taylor." Come on, you know it's true. Why does any forty-something dude suddenly pander to a hot woman half his age? I know it seems extreme but that's just how those types roll. Ryan staying up for three days covering every Taylor song and hiring a publicist is like you or me winking at somebody on Match. Besides, Ryan loves him some famous women, and it doesn't hurt his profile to attach himself to the most popular "songwriter" on the planet.  Or, put another way, when Michael Jordan bets $200,000 on an 8-foot putt it seems shocking to folks like you and me,  but that's just how the other 1% lives. 

If you want Taylor's cell #, you better cover 1989 and get it reviewed on NPR. 

Well done, Ryan. I bet he and Taylor are texting each other right now.

Speaking of NPR, suddenly all the smart people are referring to Taylor Swift as a brilliant songwriter. So much in fact that I had to go revisit the credits on 1989. This is not a commentary  on the quality of Taylor Swift or the record 1989, but Taylor Swift is NOT a great songwriter. Not in the traditional sense anyway.  For starters, the record 1989 has, and I am not bullshitting or exaggerating, TWELVE CREDITED PRODUCERS. Is that a record for a record?

And more importantly, every single song has multiple songwriters except one. Once again, I'm not arguing this Taylor isn't a talented performer worthy of her fame, but when we start tossing around the term "great songwriters" on NPR, it's not typically songs with 3 other writers. Like say: Bob Dylan, Jeff Tweedy, Bruce Springsteen, Lucinda Williams, Steve Earle, Pete Townshend, Ray Davies, Elvis Costello or every other great songwriter in the history of pop music. (And I'm not talking established songwriting partners Lieber/Stroller, Lennon/McCartney, Jagger/Richards; Taylor employs random hired guns ala Bon Jovi hiring Desmond Child.)

Or, put another way, how would credits to "Like a Rolling Stone" look if it said: Written by Bob Dylan, Larry Schmultz, Dewey Johnson and Frank Cass. Produced by Dylan, J-Swizz, Funky Free and Alan Horowitz.  Doesn't quite make Bob look like such a great songwriter, now does it? 

Or another way: When Taylor puts out a hit record written by herself, she can get credit for being a great songwriter. Until then she will just have to settle for just being the most popular entertainer on the planet. No shame in that.  (editor's note: On her earlier, ostensibly "country" records - before her current pop-tart phase - Swift often did write alone, or with one collaborator. Now that she has chosen the Nicki Minaj route to fame, however, somebody's gotta program those beats, and they want label credit.)

Do you know who wrote a bigger hit all by himself than either Ryan Adams or Taylor Swift? Yup, you guessed it, the recently deceased Gary Richrath from REO Speedwagon. 

Could you imagine if Ryan or Taylor wrote the song "Take It on the Run?" It would rule the world for months. Say what you want about REO, but this is one of the great opening lines in pop-rock history: "Heard it from a friend, who, heard it from a friend, who, heard it from another you've been messin' around." I remember being a kid and turning the FM dial and hearing it on three stations at once: 92.3, 96.3 and 97.9. Mind blowing!

RIP Gary Richrath, who wrote this massive hit all by his lonesome.

Music video by REO Speedwagon performing Take It On The Run. (C) 1980 Sony Music Entertainment Inc.



Forget to Watch the 2013 Billboard Music Awards? Ricki C. Has You Covered.

Billboard Music Awards 2013 / ABC television, Sunday night, May 19th

8:00 pm – I can’t decide if Bruno Mars wants to be Michael Jackson, Prince or The Time, but he winds up coming off more like The Osmond Brothers, soul-wise, something I’m virtually certain he couldn’t have intended.

8:09 pm – Shania Twain presents the Best Rap Artist to Nicki Minaj, who, I believe, just lost her job on American Idol, so maybe the Billboards Music Award serves as some kind of unemployment compensation.  (Why is Shania Twain presenting a rap award?  And where is Mutt Lange when we need him?)

8:15 pm – Selena Gomez seems to be going for an Indian sub-continent Bollywood vibe in her performance; apparently mixing up where Guadalajara, or even California, or even America, are on a globe.

8:19 pm – Country sibling trio The Band Perry (who I always think are Steve Perry of Journey’s kids until my friend Kyle Garabadian tells me they’re not) distinguish themselves as the first musical act of the night to (ostensibly) actually play musical instruments.  (Maybe, maybe they’re playing instruments; everything sounds awfully perfect, no pun intended.)  Lead singer Kimberly seems to be channeling Stevie Nicks, or perhaps she believes she is Stevie Nicks.  I heavily suspect lip-synching, as, by the end of the song after a percussion finale, all three members of the band are huffing like a two-pack-a-day-unfiltered-Camels-addict on a smoke break out behind Steak & Shake, yet nobody has any trouble catching their breath to sing.

8:37 pm – I throw up my dinner during Chris Brown’s dance routine that masquerades as a song, and decide to go for a walk to clear my head, hoping I don’t miss Prince or Taylor Swift, the only two acts I really want to see.

9:08 pm – Singer/songwriter Kacey Musgraves seems to have beamed in her backing band from a Waycross honky-tonk in the 1970’s, and I find myself oddly yearning for Vicki Lawrence belting out “The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia.”

9:13-9:15 pm – The video montage to introduce Madonna’s Top Touring Artist Billboard Music Award is fully two minutes shorter than her acceptance speech (9:15-9:20 pm).  Will I. Am has to help Madonna down the four steps on the stage to the microphone.  You’re all waiting for an osteoporosis/broken hip joke here, but you’re not going to get one from me.

9:21 pm – Justin Bieber emerges for his big dance number from a pod EXACTLY like the one in Spinal Tap, except his opens at the correct time.  Bieber is auto-tuned from here to the International Space Station and I can only wish he was that high.

9:31 pm – Adele’s 21 album, which was released in 2011(!), is one of five records up for top-selling album in 2013.  Sad times for the music industry.  Taylor Swift wins the award, and I’m gratified that Kanye West doesn’t grab it away from her.

9:34 pm – Pitbull & Christina Aguilera appear together, my cue to hit the kitchen and make myself a banana split.

9:41 pm – A commercial for ABC-TV’s “Dancing With The Stars” informs me that Korean pop-phenom Psy will be guesting on the Monday night finale.  My sister is 67 years old.  “Dancing With The Stars” is her favorite TV program.  Enough said, insert your own South or North Korean joke here.

9:56 pm – Taylor Swift opening act & buddy Ed Sheeran comes on all acoustic guitar earnest & weepy and accomplishes the nearly impossible feat of actually almost making me wish for a Mumford & Sons appearance.  (I stress “almost.”)

10:13 pm – David Guetta, a dance-music DJ and reputed French person, wins an award and – as an American from the West Side of Columbus, Ohio – I find myself as threatened as those Tea Party guys find President Obama’s presidency.  As such, I am forced to turn off the Billboard Music Awards and pop in a DVD of News Radio that I got out of the Westerville Library.  Thus ends my blog review of the 2013 Billboard Music Awards.  (And I never even got to see Prince or Taylor Swift.)  (But then again, I’ll just punch ‘em up tomorrow on YouTube.  And isn’t that how computers have rendered TV obsolete?)

Ricki C. is a cranky 60-year old music guy who believes that rock & roll peaked somewhere around 1973 and hasn’t actually liked any songs recorded in the 21st century.  (Except for The Strokes first album and a bunch of Jack White.)  Feel free to check out his Growing Old With Rock & Roll blog at your leisure.)