Ranking the Best VH Songs! Pencilstorm Goes on Spring Break to Cabo Wabo! - by Jeff Hassler

HEY GUYS!! Hassler here. I'm super stoked for Spring Break this year. Got the whole week off from Nationwide and I am totally single and totally ready to mingle. The Pencilstorm offices are going to be closed March 13th-22 so if you start jonesing for Pencilstorm hit our archives page and type in a word like Bon Jovi or Hassler. 

Colin and Ricki are totally burned out so they asked me to post something before we fly out tomorrow. I got a voice mail late last night, "Hassler, can you post something about how Pencilstorm is on vacation for a few days? Please don't do anything embarrassing." I know the guys love ranking songs by bands like KISS or Cheap Trick so I thought I would chip in with the TEN Best VH songs. You know, V H = Van Halen.  And the whole gang is headed to Cabo Wabo anyway... Just Sayin!

Hassler's 10 Best VH Songs! 

#10 - Running With The Devil - This is the only song I ever mastered after three years of bass lessons in high school. My ex-wife Kim said it was the first thing that attracted her to me when we played it at the Worthington High School talent show.

#9 - Beautiful Girls - I remember being on spring break in Panama City when I was in college and they would always play this at Club LaVela during the wet t-shirt contest. I tried to talk Kim into entering and the one time she did she WON! I missed it though. Had one too many "shark salutes" the night before and couldn't answer the bell if you know what I mean. (Ha!) What are the odds the one time I don't go she decides to dance? It was nice of those guys from the Auburn wrestling team to let her crash at their place that night too. Southern gentlemen no doubt.

#8 - Best of Both Worlds - When Kim had that job selling beers in the parking lot of the Varsity Club on game days and I would come visit her before going to see kick-off this song would play and I knew I truly had the "Best of Both Worlds." And Bobby Olive made THE CATCH.
 

#7 - Ice Cream Man - I've always been a big fan of interesting lyrics like from Rush and Bon Jovi but this one is cool because it's not just Ice Cream that Dave is talking about. Give it another listen if you missed it.

#6 - Summer Nights  - Come on! A stone cold classic. Reminds me of Thunder Road.

#5 - Feels So Good - The guys give me a hard time about it but OU812 is the best VH album. Case closed. 

#4 - Right Here Right Now - Think about it. Seriously. Live in the moment. One time I tried to do a Hot Yoga class with Kim and it got really hot. Like super hot.  We were supposed to have a mantra so I kept saying to myself Right Here Right Now. I guess I got a little carried away because Kim started telling me to be quiet but I was in the zone. I was sweating so many toxins out and so in the zone that I sorta got sick right then and right now. Kim was sweet to help me clean it up. 

#3 TIE!!!!!! Love Walks In AND When It's Love. Kim and I danced to Love Walks In at our wedding but When It's Love was always "our video." I'm sorta glad MTV doesn't play videos anymore. The thought of Kim watching this with Chad makes me nauseous. Like hot yoga. 

#2 - Jump - Well. duh!

#1 - Cabo Wabo - I'm kind of new to this tune as when Kim and I were having some trouble my attorney insisted I stay away from triggers so I would pass the mandatory blood test. But now that I am single and ready to mix it up I FELL IN LOVE with this song. And the Pencilstorm staff is going to CABO. I'm so stoked for the trip I made a fan video to get everybody pumped up. This one is for Wal and Scott! 

Sorry you guys won't have any new Pencilstorm stuff for a week but I'll do a shot of Cabo for you. I hope it isn't too expensive. Hassler is out. 

Check Out the Video I made!!!! - Hassler.

MINHA VIBE !

 

 

Great Band, Worst Song: Van Halen's "Jump"

Van Halen – the greatest rock band of the 80's.  The original line-up will go down in history as one of the amazing hard-rock bands ever. When their songs came on the radio, you automatically turned it up.

Their drummer, Alex Van Halen, merged traditional rock beats with mind-blowing drum fills that you couldn't help but pound along on your steering wheel to. He was the first to effectively use a double bass drum, demonstrated here in Hot For Teacher.

Add in a front man, David Lee Roth, with such bravado and presence, plus a twist of humor. His ego was so huge he needed three names. This guy didn’t really care at all but knew how to sing a hook, tell a story, and make you want to come back for more. Just watch this video of Panama to truly understand this guy’s talent.

Not to mention, the world’s most underrated bass player, Michael Anthony, who was an amazing vocalist in his own right and laid down heavy righteous low-end rhythm.  Just listen to the raw bass line in Ain’t Talking About Love and the backup vocals in Beautiful Girls.

But Van Halen wouldn’t have been Van Halen without the best rock guitarist in history, Eddie Van Halen: the virtuoso who owned rock guitar in the 80's. Everyone wanted to play just like him. He came up with distorted grooves, rip-roaring bluesy solos, and perfected the tapping technique which became his signature move. He’s probably one of the most influential rock guitarists. He tops lists that include Jimi Hendrix, Frank Zappa, and Jimmy Page. Heck, even Michael Jackson asked him to guest solo on Beat It (start at 3:10). Check out the solo on Ice Cream Man.

Van Halen was an awesome band.  Even their covers were kick ass.  You Really Got Me, Dancing In The Street, Pretty Woman.

You want to hear something that rocks? Listen to any Van Halen song… any song with the original line-up and you’ll crank it up and relive what it’s like to be surrounded by 80's hard rock.

Except for one.

Jump.

This song stands out like a sore thumb on their album 1984. It had so many killer Van Halen songs… Panama… Hot For Teacher… Top JimmyDrop Dead Legs.

But what do you do when you have the world’s greatest guitar player?  You do a heavy synth song like "Jump"?  I’m not knocking the tune… it’s a great song.  But it belongs on Bon Jovi’s Slippery When Wet - not 1984.

If Poison would have recorded this song, it would be by far the best Poison song.  But it’s the worst Van Halen song.  It’s too poppy. Too synthy. Lacks a powerful bass line. Lacks any strong guitar riff. Lacks any killer drums. And lacks powerful vocals.  It’s like they took all their energy and put it into Panama and Hot For Teacher and then said, “Hey… let’s do something really cheesy. Let's do Jump.”

Unfortunately, this song opened up the era of keyboard-heavy Van Hagar… with songs as Dreams, Why Can’t This Be Love, Love Walks In, and When It’s Love.  All good tunes, but each overshadows the guitar virtuoso and hard-rockin’ band Van Halen was during the late 70's and early 80's.

The good news is, it left a void to fill from guitarists like Steve Vai, Joe Satriani, Nuno Bettencourt, and others: all of whom brought their own skills and talent to create some of the best hard-rock music we've heard.

 

Wal Ozello, a child of the 80s, is the former singer of the Columbus hairband Armada. He's the author of the science fiction time travel books Assignment 1989Revolution 1990 and Sacrifice 2086 and a frequent customer at Colin's Coffee.

KISS Kountdown Addendum: I Call Bullshit On The Rock Hall by Wal Ozello

Let me start by saying I still hate KISS. I still feel they ruined rock and roll for me.

But that's MY vision of rock and roll and that's all it is - my vision. Who am I but some rock blogger? Somehow, the executives at the Rock Hall think they know better than me. That they know better than everyone.  And that's bullshit.

There's been 12+ days of blogging about KISS here at pencilstorm, lots of different guest writers, and I can't believe that none of us picked up on one fact that I think it the biggest piece of bullshit that the Rock Hall has ever done.

The other nightt, only the four original members of KISS were inducted into the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame. That's right. Only the four original guys.

No Bruce Kulick. No Eric Carr. No Tommy Thayer. All guys that contributed to the overall, long-term success of the band. But none of them received the Rock Hall honor. They were forced to sit in the audience.

By comparison... you know how many Grateful Dead members were inducted back in 1?  Twelve. Members of the Eagles in 1998?  Seven. How many from the E. Street Band this year? 10. Heck the E. Street Band soaked up at least 30 minutes of stage time giving their "Thank you's."

Here's the thing - the President and CEO of the Rock Hall decided that only the four original members of KISS should be inducted.

And to that I call "Bullshit." A band is a band, and whether one guy sings in it today and another tomorrow, it's still a band.  When Van Halen was inducted, they accepted David Lee Roth right along with Sammy Hagar. Anything else would have just been wrong.

Here's the crazy thing. The Rock Hall has turned into "The Establishment." The type of organization that rock n roll was set up to hate and rebel against.

It's time to stand up and voice our opinion. We all need to email the Rock Hall and call "Bullshit." Some guy in some boardroom shouldn't be making these decisions - the fans should. That way bands like Cheap Trick, Journey, and Mott the Hoople all have a fighting chance to get into the Rock Hall. Because what the fans say matter.

Instead of some Boardroom Rock Hall Executives inducting bands like ABBA.  That's right folks. Let me poor salt in your wound. You're at home right now complaining that your beloved band isn't in the Rock Hall, but ABBA is.

I guess the Rock Hall thinks that Agnetha Fältskog rocks it out better than Vinnie Vincent.

Wal Ozello is the author of Assignment 1989: The Time Travel Wars and is the lead singer of the Columbus hairband Armada. He's a resident of Upper Arlington, Ohio and a frequent customer at Colin's Coffee.

Learn more about Wal Ozello and other Pencilstorm contributors by clicking here