You know, Breaking Bad, it's kind of like I’m Conan and you’re his Barbarian God Crom – I've never prayed to you, and you don’t mind because you wouldn’t like it anyway.
It's awkward for both of us, I'm sure. And why would you need prayers in the first place? You’re already kicking ass. Absolutely nobody's questioning that.
No, I come to you with full faith in your writing, and your actors. I know they won’t fail us, and humanity knows it, too. You’re the Greatest Show Ever, and your ending will make us all grab our faces and scream, and then run out into the street still screaming about how awesome it was.
I know that you won’t abuse yourself with normal Big Series Endings, that you’ll avoid the Newhart Ending, where Walt wakes up on the couch with the cast of Malcom in the Middle running around him banging pots and pans together. And I know you’ll avoid the LOST ending, where all the characters go and have pizza in a parallel universe and agree that the show was never about crime or meth or tightly-woven plotlines, but was instead about several hundred classic works of literature.
And I know that the characters won’t just go out to dinner someplace and then you turn the camera off.
No, I come to you with respect, Breaking Bad, like the dude came to the Godfather and yes, I have a favor, something I need from you that only you can provide. Something the whole world needs at this exact time in television history.
Something I beg of you, sir, as your humble and faithful follower.
I want you to kill Skyler, Breaking Bad.
I hate her so much that I frequently find myself screaming obscenities at her image on the screen. I have to rewind it a lot when she’s poking around for stuff to do. Please kill her.
Pretty, pretty please, Breaking Bad?
I mean, I don’t want to micromanage. I understand that you probably have to have Hank nearly get Walt but then get killed in a very tricky way by Walt, who then appears to get away but then Jesse shows up and shoots him, ironically using all the amoral cunning and criminal experience he gained teaming up with Walt in the first place. And I understand that at the end, Walt’s annoying son gets a stack of cash – sure.
But kill Skyler. And I mean like, kill her when she’s in the act of being an irritating moron, that would be the most satisfying thing, like she walks into some deadly trap Walt set up for say, Hank. Explodes or maybe gets her head cut off by some sheet metal, or she’s eaten alive by pigs or insects. You're a very original show - go nuts.
That’d be great. Hallowed be thy name. Don’t forget to kill Skyler. See you Sunday.
Tommy C. is a man of mystery who writes the acclaimed blog "The Curse of Future Tom". You can learn more about him and others on our contributors page.