Well, the big weekend has finally arrived! The Fashion Meets Music Festival is taking Columbus - and the United States - by storm. THIS is the festival that will put Columbus on the map. THIS is the festival that will dwarf Comfest and rival SXSW for national credibility. And you know who turned down the opportunity to perform? You guessed it, my pals in Watershed.
What makes it worse is that Colin didn't even ask the other guys in the band if they were interested in doing it. As hard as this is to believe, I happened to be standing with Colin both times he was asked. Once at a certain coffee shop, and once before a happy hour show at a music club in Grandview. Both times he nearly cut off the person asking by quickly responding, "Thanks for the offer, but we aren't available during that time. Good luck!"
I happened to know that Watershed was more than available during "that time" since we are having our Pencilstorm fantasy football draft that same weekend. When I asked politely why he was so quick to dismiss such an opportunity at a new, first class festival he got short with me as usual.
"Hassler, look at me. Look at what I am wearing. Why would Watershed perform at a Fashion Festival? I mean, I write songs because pretty boys who dressed nice got all the girls in high school anyway. At least the ones left over from the jocks. What's next? Should we play at Reggae fest? Or maybe between matches at the state high school wrestling tournament?"
See what I mean? Such a smart ass. Well, I hate to break the news to Colin, but once again, the joke is on him. Turns out they could have possibly been opening for O.A.R., one of the hottest most respected rock bands in the world. For a band like Watershed, that is most famous for having a book about them called, "Hitless Wonder," you would think Colin would recognize this could be THE BIG BREAK to signing with another major label. FMMF is going to as big as SXSW (or at least NXNW) and WSHED might have had a plum spot. We will never know. Think of all the successful music executives from LA and New York who could have turned out to catch their set.
To make matters worse, Colin and the Watershed guys are all excited to drive 600 miles to open for Cheap Trick at the House of Blues in Myrtle Beach in October. OK, let's play Rock Manager 101: Option #1) Drive 600 miles to open for a band not even in the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame; or #2) Drive 5 miles to open for a band - OAR - that most likely WILL make the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame.
In full disclosure, I have to admit I am a huge OAR fan going back to my fraternity days at OSU. In fact, my ex-wife Kim and I got pinned right before at one of their early shows at the PHI Delts Nookiefest party. (Lighten up, all proceeds went to stop human trafficking, or at least that's what the frat brothers told Kim.) It was obvious that night these guys were going to be stars. At least what I remember from it. Long story!
Anyway, because the Watershed guys are my friends and I want what's best for them I tried to appeal to Ricki C. to talk some sense into Colin. I mean, Ricki loves arguing about the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame. I would have expected him to see my point. I had Ricki check out the FMMF website and all he said was, "Jeff, the opening sentence of their press release has a grammatical error in it, and the second paragraph has a misspelled word, which in my eyes tends to undermine the hugeness of the event, in that they couldn't be bothered to hire a semi-competent copywriter and/or proofreader. And if it is indeed 'The Nations...largest and first collaborative fusion festival,' doesn't it follow that it also could be the first and smallest, the first and mangiest, the first and hungriest, the first and stupidest? I mean, it is the first one, after all."
Leave it to Ricki C. to get all bogged down in grammar.
When I made one last appeal to Colin to reconsider, I argued how fashion had indeed influenced his music. "How is that, Hassler?"
"Uh, maybe your biggest song, "BLACK CONCERT T SHIRT?"
"Jeff, will you please, please, just shut up."
OK, Colin, have it your way, but don't blame me when all the other bands at FMMF get signed and once again you guys are left wondering what went wrong.
I love ya brother, but you blew this one. Just sayin'.
Jeff Hassler is recently divorced and lives in a one bedroom apartment near Grandview Yards.
Click here to read his other stories featuring Bon Jovi, Kiss and Dead Schembechlers.
OK, Hassler here again, Don't take my word for it. Check out this clip of OAR performing live at Madison Square Garden playing my favorite OAR song, "Crazy Game of Poker". If you look close before the first chorus you can see my ex-wife Kim briefly (though we were "taking a break" from dating that Spring. Long story!) This song has it all: balls, reggae, great lyrics and showmanship. Below that is some clip of Cheap Trick that Colin makes me sit through every time he has more than eight beers so needless to say, I have seen it A LOT. It is in some park or something. Sad, really. I think you will see my point. Hassler is out.
O.A.R. - Headed to the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame.....
Cheap Trick, not in the Rock Hall of Fame....