Listen while you read! Every #9 Song From Worst to First
Ranking the #9 Track on Each Cheap Trick Album
Recently friends and myself were discussing the time The Foo Fighters went on Letterman and performed the Cheap Trick song “Stiff Competition” with Rick Nielsen sitting in on guitar. (Watch it here!) Obviously, this rocks and it got me thinking, the Foos could have chosen any Cheap Trick song promoting their HBO series Sonic Highways, but yet they chose a relatively obscure track buried at #9 on the second side of Heaven Tonight. I’m surprised some network executive producer didn’t insist the band perform “Surrender” or “Dream Police” since this was being broadcast to a national TV audience. Hmm…is “Stiff Competition” the best #9 track on any Trick record? What is the worst? More importantly, I’m spending the day at Colin’s Coffee under a Level Two snow emergency, which gives me the perfect window to tackle an important subject such as this. Enough of my yappin’, let’s boogie!
20) Listen to Me (We’re All Alright) I guess it gets points for rocking but it feels like gratuitous rocking if such a thing exists. On second thought it does, it’s called Bon Jovi. So while this may be the most authentic rocking tune Bon Jovi would have ever released, it serves no purpose in Cheap Trick’s catalog and on this otherwise solid record. Throwaway riff, sampled Robin semi-scream cut and pasted, unmemorable chorus with the regrettably semi-memorable verse of “Early to bed, early to rise, look at these hands, look at the size / look at the size.” It makes “Man-U-Lip-U-Later” sound like Ride the..err…uh…”I Want Be Man.” Yeah, that’s the one.
19) Man-U-Lip-U-Later (The Doctor) When it comes to ranking the worst Cheap Trick songs, The Doctor isn’t going to be disrespected. Even by this record’s low standard, it is a pretty horrible tune. Interesting to note that this was mix-master producer Tony Platt’s only writing credit. I’d be curious to know exactly what his contribution was here. If I had to guess it would be the intro with the “funk” bass and cheesy sounds. To be fair, there are a couple of hooks to be heard but still it would have been better left on the studio floor. If Cheap Trick decides to join the Neil Young boycott, Spotify could kiss these 14,040 spins goodbye. Ouch. More on that later.
In 2014 when I ranked EVERY Cheap Trick song, “Man-U-Lip-U-Later” was #174 right after “Go For The Throat.” Today, that doesn’t make sense but think of the rankings as a living, breathing document like the Constitution. I learn things. We evolve. Things change. Here is my updated #20 from 2021.
18) When You Need Someone (Busted) I can see the scene. Some 24-year old newly promoted VP of A&R at Epic Records in a meeting; “You know, on the last record we used some co-writers and put a ballad as the #9 track and it helped sell some units. I think if we want to move some product, we should do the same thing. If it worked once, it should work again. We should talk about it on my yacht this weekend.” This track was written by Nick Graham, Rick Kelly and some guy named Rick Nielsen. It could have been way worse. And in fairness to the outside writers, the proceeding track on this record, “You Drive I’ll Steer,” is way worse than this song and it was written by Nielsen/Zander.
Watch This! There is no video for this song but Wherever Would I Be got the Epic brass to loosen the purse strings.
17) Every Night and Every Day (Rockford) This song sort of sums up the problem with Rockford. There is something here, it just never gets fleshed out. A tighter arrangement would have helped or at least made it less annoying. But have you seen the cover? Great cover.
16) Long Time No See Ya (Bang Zoom Crazy Hello) A quirky fun rocker. Stick it out to the end.
Fun Fact! Did you know I once started a band called Why Isn’t Cheap Trick in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? Yes, I’m a nerd. We disbanded once they were inducted because you know, it didn’t make much sense to continue.
15) Everybody Knows (The Latest) This song deserved better. It’s pretty good and The Latest is an excellent record. Much better than Rockford before it and every record that followed it. “Everybody Knows” would be a standout on any one of those albums, but as part of this collection it gets lost. “These Days,” “Miracle,” “Smile,” “Times of Our Lives,” “Closer,” “The Ballad of Burt and Linda” and even “Sleep Forever” are all better options if you are feeling a little melancholy. Like I said, The Latest is a strong record.
Watch This! Live version of the superior tune The Miracle from the same record.
14) If I Could (Special One) A very strange cut on Cheap Trick’s strangest record. Initially I mocked this track and album but it has aged surprisingly well. It’s almost like a glorified demo/B-sides compilation which makes it pretty interesting. Having this track follow the full-tilt boogie hard-rock of “Sorry Boy” and “Best Friend” is jarring even by Cheap Trick standards. How can this possibly be the same band? It is. That’s why we love them. Poor Special One isn’t even available on Spotify or other streaming services. That doesn't seem right.
Listen to this! Click here for version on YouTube.
13) Go for the Throat Use Your Own Imagination (All Shook Up) After releasing possibly the four strongest records ever to start a career, this is the song where Cheap Trick finally ran out of gas. All Shook Up was a noble effort considering the turmoil with Tom and the overall burned-out state of the band at this point. One has to wonder if Sir George Martin had insisted they replaced GFTTUYOI and “Who’D King” with say “Such a Good Girl” and “Take Me I’m Yours.” Or “Can’t Let Go” and “Everything Works If You Let It,” All Shook Down would have gotten a major boost. As it is, it’s essentially an 8-song record.
Whaa? They played this live? Listen to this!
12) Passing Through (In Another World) A testimony to the overall strength of this 2021 release, this sleeper tune is pleasant and doesn’t offend. The American Beatles just letting it be. In related news, the stunning song In Another World is a career achievement (track#3) and Light the Fire is as strong a rocker as the band has released as a single since She’s Tight.
11) You Say Jump (Next Position Please) Officially Cheap Trick has released 20 studio records but in the interest of sanity and good taste we are going to disregard “Silent Night” from Christmas Christmas and include this track from the original Next Position Please. I know it looks lazy ranking this right behind YOYOY but I think it just happens to be the proper spot. Sure, it’s a blatant rip-off of “I Want You to Want Me” but damn if it isn’t catchy. I wonder if they ever played this live? You know what is cool? The live version of the song Next Position Please.
10) Y.O.Y.O.Y (Next Position Please - Authorized Release 2006) “You Say Jump” is on the original release but we will get to that later. This is one of those heartbreaking Zander vocal performances where I don’t know if the tune is special or he is just making it happen all alone. I like the production on NPP. I wouldn’t want every album to sound like this but Todd Rundgren really pushed the band into pure power-pop mode. It holds up well. Writer, DJ, Podcast host and fellow Cheap Trick nerd Matt Wardlaw once sent me a soundcheck version of this song which was rarely performed live. That one got lost on my computer. This is a version I found online.
Bonus listening! I was a guest on Matt’s and Jeff Giles podcast - 1991: The Year AOR Ate Itself. I’m sure we mentioned Cheap Trick. Click here to listen.
9) Cover Girl (Standing on the Edge) You know what really needs to happen? A reissue of this record with a mix done by producer Jack Douglas. His mix of “Little Sister” was included on an archive release a few years back and it is NIGHT AND DAY better than the version released on the album done by Tony Platt. (listen here!) There is a sense of humor to it that is missing from SOTE. I am not alone in this thinking. If The Replacements can have Matt Wallace remix Don’t Tell a Soul why can’t Cheap Trick do the same thing with this album? Where are all the Trick reissues anyway? Big colorful books and picks from Rick included. I’d buy that shit and so would you. Fun Fact: David Fricke of Rolling Stone gave this record a five-star review and the first song he highlights is “She’s Got Motion.” Say what? Good thing that wasn’t track #9 or it wouldn’t be this high. Click here for the review.
8) Wrong All Along (Cheap Trick 1997) If you played this song to someone after they heard “Ghost Town” it would be hard to convince them it’s the same band. That’s what makes Cheap Trick so interesting. This must be a fun one to play because it hung around the set for many years. Rick’s guitar is extra killer.
Watch This! Killer version live from Boston 1997.
Bonus Watch This! My man Dr. Fukk reviews the entire album. We will have to agree to disagree about “Carnival Game.”
7) Ghost Town (Lap of Luxury) Ok, hear me out. Sure, Dianne Warren helped out on this little nugget but the live version, predictably, is where it really shines. At first glance it seems like a regular pop song but I’m not sure there is another band on the planet that could make it sound this good. Rick’s solo is Harrison-esque and the combo of Robin and Tom’s 12-string guitars gives it a glossy sheen. The vocals are perhaps Robin’s finest moment. Think about that for a moment.
Watch This! Imagine how horrible it would be if a band other than Cheap Trick had to play it live on the beach in broad daylight?
Watch This! Full MTV Spring Break show on the beach with an intro from a super fucked-up Ken Ober. RIP.
6) Love’s Got a Hold On Me (One on One) 2:35 of hooky goodness. In fact, this song has so many hooks it has two different catchy bridges or something close to it. The band is basically just showing off. Written by Nielsen, Zander and….. Bun E. That drum opening should be worth a little publishing $$. Dig this live version with the band in all their 1982 glory. Yeah, that’s the sound of the best rock n roll band you have ever heard. Rick’s tone is sorta clean and flangy. And Robin is, you know, Robin.
Bonus! I recently watched all two hours + of this Bun E Carlos interview at the coffee shop one day.
5) Tell Me Everything (Woke Up With a Monster) I’ve probably told you this story in a bar, but once upon a time I was talking to Rick at The Library Bar in Columbus, Ohio. Watershed had just opened for them on their Woke Up With a Monster tour at The Newport Music Hall. He told me this was his favorite song on WUWAM. I agree, it’s a great tune. We didn’t discuss the cover art. He also told me the John Lennon guitar story. My jaw hit the floor. Though I’ve met Rick on & off over many, many years, this was the one time I felt we were actually having a conversation. At least until the next fan walked up and he had to go back to being “Rick.” He is a great guy.
Watch This! A rare live version from 2013.
4) Come On Come On (In Color) The studio version might be their finest power-pop performance but the version on Budokan gives everyone chills the first time they hear it. And the next few listens, too.
Watch This! No really Watch This! This live clip shot by a local news crew captures three songs from the band performing in their home town of Rockford on July 4th 1979. “Hello There” / “Come On Come On” / “Stiff Competition.” Rick walking around before they start is awesome. Note to all bands, this is how you open a show. And they sound flawless being recorded through one crappy microphone. God, I love this so much.
3) Mandocello (Cheap Trick) Is it a ballad? Does it have a chorus? It does have two separate killer bridges. Those drum fills by Bun E are so tasty. What a blessing to have Jack Douglas produce this debut effort. Such an interesting sound and song selection. Somehow this tune and “The Ballad of T.V. Violence” made the cut, but “I Want You to Want Me” and “Lookout” were left off the release. Sales were poor. Cue Epic A&R man Tom Werman firing Jack and taking on production duties himself. In retrospect it all worked out perfectly. The word “mandocello” is never used in the lyrics. If I had to give it another title I would use “Let’s Pretend.”
Watch This! Full first Cheap Trick Metro show sans Billy Corgan on Mandocello.
2) Stiff Competition (Heaven Tonight) The Foos almost got it right. Huge riff, awesome vocals*/lyrics and a typical slinky move to A# during the bridge to make it too quirky to be confused with a KISS or Aerosmith song.
* I know, I once tried to sing it for an ill-fated Cheap Trick tribute album when we were on Epic Records. Fun to try it, less fun to listen back. Bonus points for Kenny Aronoff for playing tambourine on the track. (Since we were all from the Midwest, he didn’t even charge us!)
Watch This! Foos with Rick at the Cubby Bear.
1) Need Your Love (Dream Police) Guess it figures the best ninth track would come from the best Cheap Trick record. It’s hard to imagine a world without this song. Still a staple of the live set and it never disappoints. It’s not power-pop. I guess it’s classic rock but it’s not really that either. What is the chorus anyway? Is it the last line? I have a hard time finding another band that it is comparable to. It’s too drone-y for The Who, too smart for AC/DC and not mystical enough for Led Zeppelin. (Not enough Yodas ‘n’ Vikings ‘n’ shit.) So who does it sound like? Oh I know…..Cheap Trick!
Watch This! John Henneke has filmed this song 10,000 times. This is his favorite version.
Watch This! The entire Dream Police show NYE 2011. What a crazy setlist. “High Priest”? “I Want Be Man”? How did I miss this?
The End.
How did I do? I assume reasonable people can agree I got these songs properly ranked. You are welcome. However, just to be certain, let’s check in with Spotify scientologist Joe Rogan for the cold hard facts about which songs receive the most spins and most effectively treat Covid-19.
Ranking the Cheap Trick #9’s by Spotify Plays (as of 2/1/2022)
Man-u-Lip-u-Later 14,012 (now 14,020)
Wrong All Along 15,571
Tell Me Everything 23,245
You Say Jump 25,704
Every Night and Every Day 30,649
YOYOY 33,280
Cover Girl 35,781
Go For the Throat 41,806
Passing Through 57,741
Long Time No See Ya 69,839
Love’s Got a Hold On Me 72,387
Listen to Me 78,468
Everybody Knows 81,644
Need Your Love 455,037
Mandocello 702,528
Come On Come On 888,365
Stiff Competition 987, 076
When You Need Someone 3,134,144
Ghost Town 16,638,559
Ok, a couple things jump out to me here. Obviously the plays are skewed to favor the recent releases as streaming has become the preferred mode of consuming music. But this doesn’t explain why “When You Need Someone” has so many plays. It wasn’t a hit and it is not some kind of cult classic like “Reach Out,” which has 1,061,650 plays on just an obscure Epic Archives release. (Full disclosure, I might be responsible for 500,000 of those plays.)
It must have been used on the Dudersons or some other Dutch TV show.
Watch This! Cheap Trick crushing Reach Out at Chicagofest.
Maybe Watch This! Yours truly and Watershed attempting to crush Reach Out to a very confused crowd. Among our 30 Cheap Trick covers I think this is the only time we ever played this one live. I don’t know why we choose this night. We look sober. Glad Ian captured it. I think. Well, it could have been worse.
Also interesting that “Mandocello” has the second most plays on Cheap Trick 1977 behind only “He’s A Whore” which must have gotten a “big” boost from Big Black. Seeing low numbers for “Tell Me Everything” makes me sad but seeing the love for “Stiff Competition” makes me happy. It has the 3rd highest spins on Heaven Tonight.
“Need Your Love” clocks in at 455,037 but if you add up the Budokon spins it jumps to a more respectable 834,013.
Uh oh, I could keep going but lucky for you a customer just walked into Colin’s Coffee so it looks like I’m going to have to wrap this up. Thanks for reading. Now please…..Get a life.
Colin Gawel plays solo and in the band Watershed who were once described on a hype sticker as “the Cheap Trick of Columbus Ohio” by Marcy Mays of Scrawl. He founded Pencilstorm.com and the now defunct band Why Isn’t Cheap Trick in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?