Big $ and Brian Phillips Talk Browns v Seahawks - by Jeff Hassler

Hey guys! Hassler here. It's sort of a touchy week around the Pencilstorm offices, because not only is the spiked eggnog flowing, but we got an NFL Civil War happening this Sunday. Big $ and K-Dubs the Soldier from the North Coast Posse will be cheering on their beloved Brownies while Brian Phillips will be rooting on his Seattle Seahawks. Personally I have no dog in this fight, as my favorite teams are the Patriots and Packers. I'm also a big Tony Romo fan so when he plays I pull for the Cowboys. Anyway, I thought it would be fun if I asked Big $ and Brian about this week's games and maybe see if we could all meet up to watch somewhere. I'm totally free. Let's get this party started!

Hassler: Both these teams are led by young, star quarterbacks in Johnny Manziel and Russell Wilson.  Which team has the advantage under center or is it pretty much a wash?

Brian -  Are you high, Hassler? Let's start with the fact that Wilson's only known vices are his obsessive abstinence, relentless Bible-quoting, and visiting sick kids on Tuesdays. Somehow through all that he's mastered his offense despite having a group of skill players made up mostly of guys who weren't even drafted. Two of his offensive lineman didn't even play on the line in college. His top two running backs are out now, you think he cares? Over the past three games he's hardly had to run at all. He's getting the ball out of his hands at a Tom Brady speed of somewhere around 2.2 seconds on average. Manziel, meanwhile, leads the league in apologies and regret. This clown will have to rub his fingers together a lot harder if he ever hopes to make the kind of coin Wilson is making. 

Big $ - Well, since you flashed the money sign at me the last time we passed each other at Colin's Coffee, Hassler, I have a pretty good idea where you fall in this debate. However, football I.Q. , work ethic and character are three components of a successful signal caller, and Russell runs laps round Jff in those areas.

Hassler -  Brian, I'm not high and just in case anybody from the agency is reading this, Brian was JUST KIDDING. So I'm not high, but the Browns remind me of the Seahawks just a couple of years ago. Sure they are struggling now, but with all these high draft picks it shouldn't be long before they end up in a Super Bowl. How long before Manziel gets a ring?

Brian -  What? The Browns remind me of the Seattle Mariners, actually. A litany of poor draft picks, head scratching signings.....one manager after another. Dopey owner. Idiot GM. The Browns should be seized by the league and owner Jimmy Haslam should be thrown in prison. Did you know they're paying Dwayne Bowe $4.5 million a year? This has to be some sort of money-laundering scheme. That's the only way it makes sense. Sure the Browns have a high pick coming again but what makes you think they'll use it wisely? Not me. If Hackenburg leaves Penn State they'll probably take him. Manziel wins 3rd place in a College Station golf scramble maybe, but never a ring. Not gonna happen, pal.

Big $ -  Surprisingly, I do believe Johnny will bring Cleveland a ring. Once his NFL tenure ends (sooner rather then later), the marketing guru that is Dan Gilbert will bring him to his rightful home in the Arena League. I fully expect Manziel will sling the Gladiators a ring no later then 2018.

Hassler -  It would be sweet if the L.A. KISS signed Manziel. Maybe KISS could rewrite the words to.... "God of Football." Or they could just use "King of the Night Time World" as is. Just sayin'.  Brian, I hate to be a pain, but you still owe me a six pack of Bud Light from the Super Bowl last year when my Patriots stuffed beast mode just like I predicted at the Pencilstorm Christmas Party. Can the Seahawks get back to the big game again this season? And can I get that beer soon? I'm sorta broke. Just sayin'.

Brian - Cripes. As I told you at the time, no one over the age of 13 should have more than one favorite team in any sport. It's embarrassing. I'll tell you what, Hassler. I'll give you 21 points Sunday and if I lose I'll buy you a whole keg of Bud Light and have it delivered draft night so you can drown your sorrows. Anyway... Sure the Hawks can get back, but it's going to be tough. Carolina and the Cards are really good this year. I'm realistic. Just enjoying the ride. Kind of like you and the Patriots.

Hassler - How do you guys see this game playing out and where are you watching it? Maybe we could all get together somewhere? My ex-Kim has the cats this weekend so I'm totally free if you want to meet up. 

Brian - Watching at home. My wife hates you. I'd watch it with you but you'd just wear your Brady jersey. That's lame. 

Big $ -  I fully expect the Seahawks to win by 17 and I predict Ahtya Rubin will inflict some serious pain on #2. As for where I'm watching the game Jeff, I know I'm gonna regret this but the NCP will be at Patrick J's in Clintonville.

What Does the NCP Predict for Tonight's Browns Game: PAIN!

@Northcoastposse was just judged as one of the top five twitter follows by the Cleveland Browns.

Big$:  Ok, it’s pretty clear that I’m a dues-paying member of the Anti-Johnny Coalition. However, I’ve always maintained that our signal-calling Monday FunDay-er was going to find his way onto the field in 2015.

Several Browns fans (who may or may not partake in high-powered psychedelic mind- enhancers) have wondered why it has taken this long for #2 to be #1. Here is a rundown:

- The team is not losing because of Josh McCown.  To play at the level he has with no running game or play-making WR’s has been slightly amazing.  To date, he is the only NFL QB to throw 2 TD’s against the Broncos.  For further perspective, see Aaron Rodgers’ stats against Denver.

- I will reiterate, Mike Pettine’s livelihood depends on results.  Every decision he is going to make is going to be based on the need to win games.  If Johnny gave the Browns the best chance to win, he would play.  Last year, fans were quick to dismiss Johnny’s in-season partying, and late arrival to games.  Eventually, his lifestyle choices culminated in the week 17 debacle where a search team had to be sent to look for him.  The same issues and rumors are swirling and being dismissed in 2015.  Browns fans need to look up the definition of insanity.

- Lastly, the future is bleak for this ramshackle organization.  I’m not sure the front office has any real strategy to keep ticket holders invested into 2016.  The one glimmer they had was to let Josh finish this out and proclaim next year as “The season of Johnny!”  This last-ditch effort becomes D.O.A. if he is exposed (again) in his starts this season.  Don’t be too sure ownership is excited about Manziel seeing the field.

My prediction for Thursday:  To quote the legendary Clubber Lang, “PAIN!”  The NFL is a copycat league, and as coaches and coordinators get axed across the country, pink slips may start getting handed out in Berea early Friday morning. Unfortunately, our good ole boy owner has immunity to such consequences.

As for our weekly LeBron question, I’d play The King at QB against the Bengals. Needless to say, I’m not very excited about Johnny taking the field.

THE NCP TACKLES COLIN’S BROWNS QUESTIONS FOR WEEK FOUR

Following last week's debacle against the Oakland Raiders, many questions about the 2015 Browns remain unanswered.  This week, Colin and the NCP try to unravel the mystery.

Colin:  While plenty of fans are itching to see Johnny Football get behind center, have you noticed not a single teammate has stepped up to endorse him as the starter?  Sounds like the locker room agrees with the coaches on this one.  Thoughts?

Big$: When I need to know David Arquette’s thoughts on Taylor Swift’s dating life, I go to TMZ. As it relates to the NFL, they aren’t a go-to for pertinent locker room info.  I assume they cornered Johnny and Travis Benjamin, offered them swag, massaged their egos, and bam!  Lame quotes appeared.  Johnny has yet to prove he can operate an NFL offense without relying on improvisation.  If a player disagrees with the coaches on who starts, they need to spend more time in the film room.

Colin:  It appears the almost as dysfunctional Raiders are starting to pull away from the Browns. Seems they have figured out that throwing the football is how you win in today’s NFL. Finding a QB is hard, playmaking receivers are everywhere, except in Cleveland. How is this possible? Who have we missed on?

Big$: Ray Farmer relies on “the Seahawks don’t have superstar receivers!” excuse. Well if Ray was truly seeking to follow the Seattle blueprint, Justin “the-anti-Richard-Sherman” Gilbert would have been buried on his draft board. The Browns have adopted the hilarious “play like a Brown” motto and it has led to ignoring the need for playmakers. There is not one player on the Browns roster that requires the special attention of a defense, and I think both Pettine and Ray are to blame.

Colin:  Who does LeBron start for this week?

Big$:  I’m over the Johnny- mania.  I’m starting The King at Q.B. If any self-respecting Clevelander can support Johnny over LBJ in anything other than a skins game, that’s their own issue.

Colin:  Any chance the North Coast sneaks a win on the West Coast?

K-Dubs, the Soldier:  There is always a chance, my friend, but it's going to take vastly improved efforts on both sides of the ball.  The biggest challenge is going to be on the defensive side.  San Diego has one of the best quarterbacks in the league in Phillip Rivers, and he is clicking with a corps of receivers that is as strong as any in the league from top to bottom.  The Charger offense is averaging nearly 300 yards per game through the air and rank fourth in the league in total offense, at 402 yards per game.  Cornerbacks Joe Haden and Tremon Williams really need to step their game up this week for the Browns to have any shot of slowing down the Chargers, especially with safety Tashaun Gipson questionable for today’s game with a groin injury and nickelback K’Waun Williams out with a concussion.  San Diego also has a threat on the ground with rookie running back, and former Wisconsin standout, Melvin Gordon.  The Browns have already made running backs Chris Ivory and Dexter McCluster look like Walter Payton this season and rank dead last in the league in rushing defense.  To have any shot at winning today, the Browns have to do a better job of controlling the line of scrimmage and get pressure on Rivers up the middle. 

The good news is that the Chargers defense is not that great either.  They are nearly as bad at stopping the run, giving up 135.7 yards per game.  It is time for the Browns’ high-priced offensive line to earn those paychecks and open up lanes for Isaiah Crowell.  The Chargers have not had much success pressuring the quarterback this year either and rank last in the league with just one sack.  If McCown has time to execute the Browns’ quick-strike passing game, the offense can put some points on the board.  Sure, the Raiders may end up being a halfway decent team this year, but losing to them at home has to leave a terrible taste in Cleveland’s mouth.  I foresee some redemption blowing in on the oceanfront.  Browns win 23-20.

LET THE MANZIEL ERA BEGIN (AND END SOON)

The NCP tackles Pencil Storm’s Questions Following Browns’ Week One Disaster. follow@northcoastposse

1. You said last week that this could be the worst two QB's an NFL team has brought into the regular season in league history. After week one, this painful reality is already upon us. How in the hell did Ray Farmer let this happen? With quarterback play this poor, I pity the rest of the team. There is nothing they can do to overcome 4 turnovers. Is there any hope?

K-Dubs, the Soldier:  I honestly thought Josh McCown looked good in the first drive.  In complete control of the offense, he led the Browns 91-yards on an opening drive of approximately 10-minutes.  Of course, that was before he got ear-holed as he dove for the end zone, fumbled the ball, and left the game with a concussion.  McCown has not been cleared to play yet, and the Browns officially named Johnny Manziel the starter on Friday.  If he continues to start, I think the season will be even more of a dud than previously expected.  The NCP’s take on Manziel has always been that he is just not an NFL quarterback, and Farmer’s thought process in drafting him remains material for an episode of NBC Dateline.  It deserves a two-hour special creepily narrated by Keith Morrison. 

I would love to see a Johnny-led squad lineup in the sandlot against Brett Favre’s team in a Wranglers commercial, but he does not have the arm strength to QB the Browns.  Outside of the 54-yard bomb he threw to Travis Benjamin, Manziel struggled to get the ball downfield, particularly on out routes.  With a running game that was anemic in Game 1, opposing defenses will likely stack the box and force three-and-outs ad infinitum if Johnny cannot stretch them by going over the top.  To your question, there is little any team can do to overcome four turnovers (five, if you count safety Tashaun Gipson’s fumble after his second-quarter interception), let alone a team whose starting QB is on the sidelines.  Throw in 109 yards in penalties, and you are not going to win, even against league dregs like the Jets.

That said, there is hope.  There is always hope.  The defense played toothlessly last week.  They had no pass rush, did not control the line of scrimmage on running plays, and got beat in the defensive backfield.  This week they play at home against the Titans, who were one of the worst teams in the league last year and are starting a rookie quarterback in Heisman-trophy winner, and national-championship loser, Marcus Mariota.  There is no more prime opportunity for redemption.  If the Browns can also avoid turnovers and run the ball with some effectiveness, they can be competitive, at least.   I am expecting a big turnaround.  Browns win in a tight one.

2. Who should LeBron replace in this week's starting line up?

Big $: Due to my well documented disdain for ole Johnny, it would be too easy to throw LBJ in as signal caller. In all honesty, I’d probably prefer a 2 man system of K. Love (for his sweet touch) and Kyrie (read option ball skills and elusiveness) if I was going to summon a C-Town cager to lead the offense. With that said, it almost becomes comical when you use the names Gary Barnidge and LeBron James anywhere near each other in a paragraph relating to athletics. I would without question, trot The King out at T.E. (you’re welcome, Johnny).

3. Vegas had the Browns preseason over/under win total at 6.5. After week one, if you had to bet all your gold chains on the over or under now, where would you put the line?  What is a realistic win total for this group of dawgs?

K-Dubs, the Soldier:  Granddad used to say, “Vegas was not built by losers.”  The handicappers in the desert certainly know the game better the alleged experts that flap their gums on TV each week.  What surprises me though is that the magic number is too high.  Last year, Vegas had the same over-under for the Browns, but the schedule was much more favorable.  This year, the NFC South teams have been replaced on the schedule by the NFC West, which has a chance to produce four teams with winning records.  Throw in games against an improved AFC West, as well, and the season looks kind of bleak.  The first three games are against teams that finished at the bottom of the league last year—the Jets, Titans, and Raiders.  These all appeared winnable on paper at around 12:59 p.m. last Sunday, but if the Browns lose the next two, it is hard to see many other wins down the line.  I think an over-under of 4.5 is more realistic.

4. If he were still on the squad, would you prefer T. Pryor starting over Johnny Football this week?

Big $: To be fair, I’d start Richard Pryor over Manziel (disturbing self-awareness is a trait more beneficial than anything in JFF’s repertoire). At this point, first-round Jonathan has failed to beat out two UDFA’s on the wrong side of 30. If Josh McCown didn’t attempt to live out his wildest Elway Super Bowl helicopter ride daydream, JFF would still be chilling on the sideline thinking of clunky one-liners about Merril Hoge’s formal wear. T.P. isn’t here but A.D. is, and he took some 1st team reps this week. In a perfect world, Austin Davis’s NFL resume would have earned him the right to start over Johnny, but alas Berea may be the antithesis of said perfect world. So let it be noted that I have officially put in for transfer from #hoyerswarriors to #AustinsArmy. Big $ loves ya A.D.!!!!

5. Something positive to take away from this loss right? Right?

K-Dubs, the Soldier: After a loss as disheartening as last week’s game, you really have to get out the Hubble Telescope to search for some positives.  At the very least, before he got knocked for a loop, both figuratively and literally, Josh McCown looked very good in leading the offense down the length of the field.  I know the Browns Faithful are not unanimous in supporting McCown, but the offense clicked when he was under center, even though big-name, free-agent wideout Dwayne Bowe sat out with a bad hamstring and the offensive line under-performed.  If McCown can come back from his concussion and stay healthy, I think the Browns can put points on the board this season.  Once he got carted off the field, though, the one bright spot was the special teams.  Punter Andy Lee averaged 54 net yards per kick, including a booming 61-yarder.  His leg should prove to be quite a weapon in field-position battles.  Rookie placekicker Travis Coons kicked a 48-yard extra-point (which was the longest in NFL history) and registered touchbacks on 2 of 3 kickoffs.  The return game also appeared improved.  Upgrading here was critical, as the failure to properly field punts cost the Browns a few chances to win games last year.  I have heard (but have not seen) that the Browns’ D is going to be among the best in the league.  If we do see a re-emergence of the Dawg Defense, the improved special teams could help snatch a few W’s along the way.

6. What do you expect from the opener this weekend?           

Big $: My general nausea over the state of the Browns probably steals the mystery from guessing who I believe will win most Browns games. So rather than stating who I expect to win or lose, I will say that I expect that this will be the second week that an ex-Brown will enact revenge on his former employer.

Last week Buster Skrine uncorked a year’s worth of watching a snot-nosed, silver-spooner make a mockery of his professional opportunity when he attempted to decapitate Johnny Manziel. One can only imagine that a guy like Skrine who clawed his way into the NFL harbors some ill will towards a guy like Johnny who was probably throwing up money signs when he checked down in 7 on 7 drills.

This week, I expect that the recently jettisoned Terrance West may be looking to seek retribution for not only being traded after a mildly successful rookie campaign, but also for the smack that was talked on his way out. Keep an eye on #35 this week as he may be playing with a couple of boulders on his shoulder.

Big $ and K-Dubs the Soldier are the North Coast Posse and they cover Browns football for Penciltorm.

Big $ of the NCP ponders...So what if Johnny wasn't white???

During my time at Pencilstorm, I have made no secret about my disdain for the Browns drafting Johnny Manziel. A hefty percentage of this disdain is rooted purely in football deficiencies. He cannot play in structure, has zero playbook experience, is slight in stature and suffers from misguided confidence. With Johnny though, you also get a second list of cons based on personality and off-the-field issues to add to the playing weaknesses.

Somehow, even with this laundry list of negatives he has garnered the adoration of a large percentage of Browns fans (jersey sales don't lie). I, for one, am wildly confused by this phenomenon.

So in the midst of this confusion, I took time to ponder, "What if Johnny looked different?" I'm not talking about him inking a deal with pro activ, I'm talking about his race. What if Johnny maintained his baggage but was African-American? Would Cleveland fans still ignore and justify his negatives? Would they still have celebrated his arrival with such crazed anticipation?

To make things interesting, I'm going to actually assign a specific person that he could assume the body of. Imagining how Johnny would be received by Browns fans if he had braids or gold teeth would be like shooting fish in a barrel. The Johnny to imagine for the remainder of this diatribe is Braylon Edwards. So take a walk into fantasy land with me as we consider if "Braylon Football" would be wildly popular in Cleveland if the last 16 months of his life maintained this timeline:

August 2013 - A Sports Illustrated article highlights his entitled background and petulant ways.

August 2013- Receives a tickle on the wrist for signing autographs, an offense that cost other players significant playing time and NFL money (including some Buckeyes).

August 2013- Returns from 1st half wrist tickle against Rice, and receives taunting penalties for his, ahem, "lack of on-field sportsmanship."

August - December 2013- Sees his output decline but his draft stock improve due to no other college qb's excelling.

May 2014 - Begins to slide in draft, and in desperation sends a "lets wreck this league" text to a team which happens to catch the fancy of an owner who is of the same cultural and economic background that he is. That owner demands that he be drafted.

Summer 2014 - Even though he his severely handicapped by his lack of playbook experience, he chooses to escape Browns training camp at every opportunity to party. Several saucy pics surface, including one that shows him about to partake in a certain nasal stimulant.

Summer 2014 - During a pre-season game, he decides to greet an opposing team with a single extended finger.

November 2014 - Is involved in a brawl the weekend of a road game.

November 2014 - Reports surface that he free lances in practice and isn't committed to learning the playbook, etc. Cameras catch him arriving at games at the last possible second, even though he is expected to see some playing time.

November 2014 - Enters a game and runs for a T.D. Even though his team is still down by two scores he decides to flash a money sign to the opposing crowd.

December 2014 - In response to being called a midget, he finds a way to compare himself to Super Bowl champion and perennial MVP candidate, Drew Brees. At the time of this comparison, Johnny has 0 NFL wins.

December 2014 - Is flat out embarrassed in his first start.

I'm not a sociologist, but I grew up in Cleveland and have been an avid C town sports fan since I first learned to walk. There is no way I believe that "Braylon Football" would enjoy even a fraction of the popularity that Johnny has had handed to him since he was drafted. As a matter of fact, I assume his first round drafting would have been widely lampooned and questioned. Where Braylon would have been admonished for being irresponsible, Johnny has been applauded for enjoying his youth. Where Braylon would be a team killer, Johnny is seen as a master of improv.

This is simply my opinion, and outside of some "Soul Man/C. Thomas Howell-esque" experiment there will never be any concrete evidence to support my Johnny vs. Braylon Football hypothesis. I also know this opinion may be hard to swallow for some Cleveland sports fans. However, if one is truly honest with themselves and examines the plight of African American qb's  cross-referenced with Johnny's history, it's hard not to identify a double standard in the Cleveland-Manziel phenomenon.

The North Coast Posse are Big $ and K-Dubs the Soldier. They cover the Bronwns exclusively for Pencilstorm. Follow them on twitter @northcoastposse.